Life changes >= baby steps

Well, now. We are still doing this thing. I am more confident now that it will stick. We "diet" each work day and our 2 days off together, we eat regular foods. Time will tell.

When it all started

I was always a curious kid. I liked to explore and adventure. I had a crazy imagination. My problems began when I could not see where reality began and dreams ended. I still have this problem. Being misled early in life, I was a gun owner, church goer and GOP hat wearing conservative. Well I was all these things, but I never felt fulfilled. I never felt that I was on the right path. The path towards fulfillment lead me to conspiracy theories, survivalism, herbalism, spirituality, new age, outrage, confusion, and back to conspiracy theories. I developed a taste for electronic music particularly after hearing techno music. I had always played keyboards because my grandmother taught me the basics on her Baldwin organ as a child. I tried composing music using the keyboards I could afford, but hated everything I did except one composition I did in honor of my grandmother and I didn't like it unless it was drenched in reverb and kind of eerie sounding. The event that symbolized my first step towards personal growth was selling my MAK-90

(Yeah, I know...it was a little much.)

and my CZ-83

I used this money to buy my first guitar and amp. A Fernandez strat and a Peavey/Trace Elliot bass practice amp (on sale). I started writing poems and eventually started writing song lyrics. I picked out a few TOOL songs. I decided to take lessons which lasted for 3 months. Lessons were not fun and I decided that I needed to approach the instrument in a different way and learn it myself.

Having only taken 3 classes on guitar, I had to teach myself mostly thru guitar magazines, books and chord posters, because lessons were too expensive for me. I was not able to afford "good" equipment and settled for the entry level stuff. I found that it was OK to use so long as I did not care to sound just like someone else. As I learned more about effect processing, I began to develop a sound of my own.

I was not exposed to good music until it was old news and usually through my sister, who had friends that went to college. I did not go to college, so I did not fit into the college radio scene and I found that I did not fit into the local metal scene when my foot was stomped in a mosh pit by a very large guy in combat boots. I played in my bedroom. I played all the time. I sounded like garbage but I could play power chords and I had awesome rhythm, but not enough skill to play lead or learn other people's songs. I started composing in my own minimalist style. Then I met Jennifer. She was my muse. I started writing songs and recording on a 4-track that she bought me. I have quite a collection of rough recordings now and continue to record new things. Being poor, I had to get creative with my music. I developed an attitude that every sound is music. This means that I can play a song on a kids toy and hammer out percussion on a beer can. I started moving back towards electronic music after discovering circuit bending and diy electronics.

My growth and expansion led me back to conspiracy awareness and a spiritual awakening of sorts. I have started this project called nut as my one thing to make the world a better place.

nut
1.
a. An indehiscent, hard-shelled, one-loculated, one-seeded fruit, such as an acorn or hazelnut.
b. A seed borne within a fruit having a hard shell, as in the peanut, almond, or walnut.
c. The kernel of any of these.
2. Slang
a. A crazy or eccentric person.
b. An enthusiast; a buff: a movie nut.
3. Informal A difficult endeavor or problem: Painting the closet was a tough nut to crack.
4. Slang The human head.
5. Music
a. A ridge of wood at the top of the fingerboard or neck of a stringed instrument, over which the strings pass.
b. A device at the lower end of the bow for a stringed instrument, used for tightening the hairs.
6. A small block of metal or wood with a central, threaded hole that is designed to fit around and secure a bolt or screw.
7. Slang
a. The cost of launching a business venture.
b. The operating expenses of a theater, theatrical production, or similar enterprise: "The [theater] has simply failed to attract enough paying customers per week to meet its nut" Variety.
8. Vulgar Slang A testicle.

I am currently looking to purchase a MAK-90, if you are selling...

Peace!

Goodbye, blue sky

Sweet Jesus I am MAD! We were out walking this morning at about 10:30 in our neighborhood. Cold. beautiful. We took the dogs with us. They need exercise too. Sati is a schnauzer/terrier mix plus her cousin is a min-pin...anyway beautiful blue sky. Keep in mind we do live next to an airport and there is always a lot of low flying aircraft overhead. It is a moderately sized airport. Well, today there were at least 5 airplanes at relatively low level cris-crossing over Chattanooga. Now normally on a hot day we see planes fly overhead and they leave a trail. Common sense. Cars leave trails behind when it is cold. Upper atmosphere temperatures are cold even on a hot day...We see contrails left by aircraft at high altitudes. I see some that don't leave any trail on some days. Today, we have these planes flying over at relatively low altitudes (not so high that they look like a tiny dot-where you can almost make out markings on them with low quality binoculars) leaving extremely large trails that are not dissipating as usual. They spread out and cover the sky in a haze. Like I said, I know that airplanes will leave a contrail and I see these all the time living right next to an airport. I know that a contrail will last longer depending on what the temperature is (colder meaning the condensation will freeze into ice crystals), but I have a few arguments about this. First of all, The temperature gets lower the further up. How come it can be easily observed on the same day at the same time an airplane at an obviously higher altitude leaving a tiny contrail and at a much lower altitude (I have seen these aircraft like C-130s' actual propellers) leaving a contrail behind that does not dissipate. Secondly, This happens regardless of the temperature at ground level. It is just as likely to happen over Chattanooga when it is hot as when it is cold. Why would that be? Also. I work at a location in "Chattanooga" that is right on the border of Chattanooga, next to an airport and at a higher altitude so I can see a lot going on. I can watch directly overhead aircraft that are flying in a straight path obviously not going to land at the airport. Not climbing. They are cruising. I can observe them begin to leave these trails as they begin to pass over Chattanooga. OK. You may think temperature difference. Cities are hot, not cold. The temperature would increase slightly over a very big city maybe. Chattanooga is not that big. Here is the biggy. We were walking around our neighborhood just looking at this phenomenon. It was very busy in the sky. You could not help but notice it. As we turned to come back, I could see from my perspective a 5 pointed star being formed. minus one line. This was observed to be completed by an another airplane. Not from my current perspective. It was travelling the correct angle to complete the star but it was way off. Coincidence?

Websites are numerous that scientifically explain contrails or chemtrails as fact or fiction. I ran across a good one tho.
THIS one says they are not part of a conspiracy.



I go back and forth. The bottom line is that the sky is very busy and there is a lot of stuff going on that we are not being told. "Experts" argue if it is cloud seeding or something else, but what we need to understand is that it does not matter WHAT it is. This is definitely a conspiracy. No matter what it is. They may be trying to combat aliens by spraying some harmless bacteria in the atmosphere that would kill them. I don't necessarily subscribe to such an "out there" theory, but the simple fact is we have no idea what exactly it is. "experts" use straw men arguments to discredit chemtrails and this is the biggest sign to me that there is more to it. Is it some kind of new phenomenon caused by some new aircraft fuel or what. If it were for our benefit, If we were being saved from anything at all, someone would take credit for it! Considering all the talk by influential billionaires like ted turner about population control, I think we should be at least a little concerned and we should ask at least a few questions and expect at least a good honest answer.

All talk and no action

Should you ever simply say "Stop! it's good enough!"? If you see that something needs improvement, shouldn't you make the changes to improve it or just ignore those thoughts? I am such a perfectionist that I appear as a procrastinator. Hell, maybe I am that too, but I can't seem to ever finish a project. I know that I may be struggling with a mild case of ADHD, but I never feel the sense of completion unless it is with doing the dishes or cleaning house. I kind of actually LIKE doing these things (even though I hate doing it and frequently procrastinate) because of the feeling that I get that I am finished. This is done. And it was good. I rarely get that. I like that feeling and want to be out of lets get on with it mode and into the completion mode as far as my projects go. OMNI must be finished and Nut and the others needs to be officially started instead of just planned. I fucking hate planning. This could go on forever.

We win!

I think today was my big test. Jennifer and I went out to do some errands during this shopping season. We needed to stop by her office, the bank, the credit union, etc., etc., etc. People are mean and they suck. These toolbags drive these huge vehicles and run up your ass, merge without looking (or caring) almost as if they are so sick of their lives that they almost want to die. Imagine a small city like Chattanooga Tennessee, and imagine a single road, lets call it "Gunbarrel rd". On this road there is a Hobby lobby, a Walgreens, Fresh Market, Lowes, Petsmart, Walmart, Hamilton Place Mall, Target, Old Navy, Chick-fil-a, Sonic, Dairy Queen, Rooms to go, and much much more plus about 200 little specialty shops. Needless to say there is a little bit of a traffic problem there any day. Well, I was followed by someone that wanted to give us a mean look, almost hit by a woman in the opposite lane hollering obscenities at us, almost hit 3 more times and slammed on the brakes 3 or 4 times to save us. We finally got home safely. When we took our dogs on a walk in our "neighborhood", I was almost hit by an a-hole in a nice looking truck with blacked out windows who was driving around aimlessly around our complex going too fast (Keep in mind it is snowing and the ground is wet). Everyone wanted to go too fast and pass me and Jennifer too close, almost like they didn't see us.

I hate to whine and complain like this, but I am really only telling you this so you can see what all we went through. When We used to smoke, this would be the time that we would go for one or at least begin saying we need one. Jennifer and I both saw a woman smoking and we both commented at the same time that we are glad that we quit. We are SO in sync.

Still non-smokers. We win!