{My Hologram[Phoekuss]} Disoriented eye/Blurred ewe

Cloudy mind-fog

Hazy, dotted figures pulse and freeze like an over-burdened computer screen.

Still. Lost still. Frantic Filtered Fading Figures seem so well grounded. The shock will be so life-threatening and so life opening. Or am I blind? Or just in slo-mo. Perhaps slow. Not about to assume that I am on top of my game. Am I my own abuser? Perhaps I am malfunctioning. Mind-Fog and fractured mirrors in a not-so-fun house. I want out sometimes. No escape route. Never received the floor plans in the orientation. Pushed from behind by ghostly images of more flickering souls causes an overwhelming panic. Withdrawn, I see less than before. Flashes of light in the black of my mind. Impulses in my swimming mindfull of half-drawn ideas in my world of incomplete projects and hidden agendas. I ache for solid ground as my feet are swinging whilst I hang by my teeth. Peace. Why take this anymore? Needed is soft sweet peace and still surroundings. No more flashes. No more haze.

My Confirmation was indeed confusing.

Confirming my confusion is a confusing process.

it happened

okay i didn't know that i can change dates on the blog here, so upon finding out, i have done so. this was a life altering day. this is the day that i left t-mobile for the last time. jennifer was working 3rd shift at the time and was pretty miserable at her job too and so her sleep was always fitful, even if it was the only escape from her sadness. any time i came home early for lunch i would inevitably startle her awake. i saved the text message i sent her upon leaving t-mobile and have been reminded of it every time that i look in my phone. it's just there. locked. one of those little subtle reminders of my inability to meet minimum business expectations. not any more. i am deleting the message after i post it here:

Baby it happened. I am so sorry. I am coming home. Let me know when you get this. I don't want to startle you awake and then tell you this. I am so embarrassed.

i originally posted about this way later and therefore not in chronological order, so i have now copied the original post here as well. no wait. i deleted it and just pasted it here for you to enjoy:


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My relationship with T-mobile has come to an end. Happened in September of 2011. October was a blast. Found a job working for a blood bank. Best job I have ever had. PROBLEM: I make half the money I did at T-mo. SOLUTION: Room-mate. Funny how the universe helps you out. No more fake nice. No more job aids. No more "coachings". No more "How may I help-ee-oh?". I rarely hear the word "Actually". No more upselling. No more crash course on what I am expected to know without time to even ask questions. No more ranking. No more realignment. No more small talk. No more "I understand that you are upset...". I could go on. Why no posts since then? I have been happy.



Is AT&T going to take over T-Mobile? I can honestly say that I don't give a...

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we are both happy to say that at the time that i actually wrote this, we are both fairly happy with our jobs. i'll let you guess when that was. thanks for reading!

time to seriously think about what?

The new "QUICK TOOL" is supposed to make my job easy enough for a chicken to do it aparently. it analyzes the customer's account for me and tells me what i can sell them. that is what it has come down to. I have never been good at keeping my calls brief, so once I learned how to sell shit to people, I had that going for me. Some days I have a lot of sales and some days I don't. Part of it is luck of the draw, even if they say it isn't. They are liars. Big fat stupid lie-ing liars. Anyway, the QT tells me what to offer the customer and most of the time, the customer has a data feature so all it tells me is that I can offer "Callertunes" or some shit like that. I don't because when I do, the call gets another 30 seconds longer at least and then I am not selling AND my calls are long. Can't win. Well today I was taken off the phone and to a meeting room in HR. Love those people. As completely genuinely nice as anyone could ever be. I was told to make a decision regarding my future with T-Mobile. We went over and over and over my stats and they narrowed it down for me to this:

I am not using my tools.

What they did for me is they went ahead and told me to go home and think about all this and make a decision if will start using my tools or not. If I can not use my tools then our relationship would have to come to an end. I signed a sheet of paper saying I agreed to use my tools. They gave me an extra day off and told me to come in next Sunday. BONUS! I finally got one!