Better luck next time

Yeah, the wall.  The wall.  It might as well have been 4.5 miles high.  I couldn't get over it.  The other stuff was tough, but I had practiced it all enough.  The wall was simply too high for me to get my fat butt over it.  I tried, and I tried.  I didn't give up.  I kept on and kept on trying until they told me to stop.  I was really much more angry and frustrated than embarrassed.  Actually, for the first time in my life, my level of embarrassment was COMPLETELY dwarfed by my anger and frustration.  I kept my cool, though.  I didn't cry, whimper or even act like I was upset.  I stayed with the crew though, even though I was disqualified or whatever.  I didn't want to just leave and I wanted to see how well they would do.  I also felt like my being there was somehow showing that I wanted to be a part and I wasn't ashamed.  I was, though.  I watched the other guys perform and was blown away at some of these guys level of fitness.  One guy ran the 440 meters in a minute and 54 seconds.  They were doing situps so fast that they were nearly taking flight and pushups like they were weightless.  I took it all in.  One of the training officers there, Bernie, gave me the name of a trainer at the local city fitness center.  Pay a dollar to get in (no membership fees).  This trainer works with the fire department-trains the cadets or something like that.  Well, now.  Encouragement.  In fact all these guys, the test takers, the Proctors, the Training Officers, everyone.  Encouraging.  Even though these guys were leaps and bounds (literally) ahead of me physically, I knew then and I know now that I can do it.  Or die trying.  I sure feel like it now.  About a week after the test, I woke up in a puddle of blood.  The mattress was screwed.  The sheets.  I ruptured a vein (again) while I was sleeping!  I threw the covers off and got up and the damn thing shot blood across the room.  I managed to keep it off the floor mostly, but I don't have any idea how much blood I lost.  I could have bled to death.  My guess is that I messed it up during the physical test, probably trying to get over the wall.  The wall that the other guys flew over.  The other guys flew over.  I am better now, and my attitude is better.  Thanks for reading!

Getting back up

Well, it has been a little while.  Failing the physical test was harder on my ego than I thought it would be, even with the positive self-talk I had done prior to and even with all the encouragement from friends and loved ones afterwards.  I have not given up and I will not give up.

I am an enraged bull.

After the test, I suffered a major setback to my fitness when I ruptured a vein in my leg.  In an awkward place on the inside of my knee.  My physician said I need to keep it elevated for 3 days and then no cardio for a few weeks.  I couldn't keep it elevated like she said because [duh] I have to work, but no cardio, no problem.  Something I am totally used to.  Well 2 weeks went on into more than 2 weeks and I don't know how long exactly because I am not comfortable knowing.  The point is that that period is over and I am now active again.  Today, I went to see an instructor at my local city-funded fitness center.  The instructor's name was given to me by one of the firefighters at the test site.  He told me that this guy instructs/trains the firefighters.  I was expecting it to be rough.  I mentioned his name to some of the firefighters that I work with and they shuddered.  The guy is notorious for being hard on the cadets apparently.  Well, I went this morning at 9:30am.  I was really nervous after hearing that the guy was an ex-navy seal too.  Great.  Might as well prepare to throw up.  I didn't eat breakfast.

There was maybe 10 or 15 people there, I don't know.  Who is counting.  There were already starting when I got there.  I was immediately comfortable.  I like that place.  Well, anyway I started with kettle bell weights 18 lbs each and, looking pretty funny, I was sweatin' to "I'm sexy and I know it".  Then I went to the aerobic stairs with the ropes.  Looked easy enough step up and down alternating left, then right foot while flopping the rope like a jump-rope.  Quite the workout.  I puked.  I'm alright, though.  Just the dry-heaves.  A voice told me to leave, but I ignored it and stayed.  I am glad I did.  Met some guys that encouraged me.  I can do this...

I couldn't get out of the car when I got home without a tremendous amount of effort and teeth-clenching.  Steps were hard too.  My arms feel like jello and my legs are on fire.  I can't wait for the next workout!

Liberal or Conservative?

I have always wondered which side I really am on since I don't usually agree with anyone 100%.

I had to do some serious thinking about this one so as to figure out for myself

and to let you know where I stand politically.  I don't agree with the following

political groups 100%, but the parts I don't agree with are pretty obvious when

you consider all of the other groups ideals.

~ Conservative Liberal
~ Liberal-Left
~ Left-Libertarian
~ Libertarian Democrat
~ Democratic Socialist
~ Social Capitalist

So I guess I am a

Conservative-Liberal-Left-Libertarian-Democratic-Social-Capitalist

...or something like that. I don't really know if it matters, though.