Better luck next time

Yeah, the wall.  The wall.  It might as well have been 4.5 miles high.  I couldn't get over it.  The other stuff was tough, but I had practiced it all enough.  The wall was simply too high for me to get my fat butt over it.  I tried, and I tried.  I didn't give up.  I kept on and kept on trying until they told me to stop.  I was really much more angry and frustrated than embarrassed.  Actually, for the first time in my life, my level of embarrassment was COMPLETELY dwarfed by my anger and frustration.  I kept my cool, though.  I didn't cry, whimper or even act like I was upset.  I stayed with the crew though, even though I was disqualified or whatever.  I didn't want to just leave and I wanted to see how well they would do.  I also felt like my being there was somehow showing that I wanted to be a part and I wasn't ashamed.  I was, though.  I watched the other guys perform and was blown away at some of these guys level of fitness.  One guy ran the 440 meters in a minute and 54 seconds.  They were doing situps so fast that they were nearly taking flight and pushups like they were weightless.  I took it all in.  One of the training officers there, Bernie, gave me the name of a trainer at the local city fitness center.  Pay a dollar to get in (no membership fees).  This trainer works with the fire department-trains the cadets or something like that.  Well, now.  Encouragement.  In fact all these guys, the test takers, the Proctors, the Training Officers, everyone.  Encouraging.  Even though these guys were leaps and bounds (literally) ahead of me physically, I knew then and I know now that I can do it.  Or die trying.  I sure feel like it now.  About a week after the test, I woke up in a puddle of blood.  The mattress was screwed.  The sheets.  I ruptured a vein (again) while I was sleeping!  I threw the covers off and got up and the damn thing shot blood across the room.  I managed to keep it off the floor mostly, but I don't have any idea how much blood I lost.  I could have bled to death.  My guess is that I messed it up during the physical test, probably trying to get over the wall.  The wall that the other guys flew over.  The other guys flew over.  I am better now, and my attitude is better.  Thanks for reading!