Roleplaying versus Wargaming

Wargaming has been around for a very long time, but I believe Chainmail was the first official "roleplaying" game with rules, miniatures and dice. This later became what we all know as D&D and then, later, AD&D, etc.  Many people have stated their opinion about the many editions of ad&d, usually hating one or another to the point that there have been countless other "homebrew" games, some clearly based on ad&d and others featuring totally new rules and backgrounds.
Of the many design elements of ad&d that inspired debate and redesign is combat...COMBAT!  Wasn't D&D a derivative of WARgaming?
Instead of taking ad&d and making it "better", why not take a really good set of wargaming rules and add elements of roleplaying to them to the point that it is geared towards roleplaying but can always fall back on the wargame aspect.  Combat rules include task resolution, action and reaction, resistance and so on.
This is a major reason why I have a hard time designing my RPG. I started with the roleplaying, then went to add the wargaming, but wasn't pleased with the results entirely or they didn't quite fit in with the rest of the rules. I went looking at new wargame rules and sort of reverse engineered RPGs out of those rules, but wasn't happy with those results. Things always got hairy when I went to combine roleplaying with wargaming in one game system.  The two types of games are sort of diametrically opposed. They are like oil and water...at least at a very fundamental level.
Roleplaying is artistic, free, silly at times, creative, social, intellectual and fun. Wargaming is bound by rules, serious, defined by and limited to physics and belief in science, player versus player and there are clear winners and losers. Wargaming is strategic, social and intellectual as well as (depending on the players) silly at times and fun.

The secret has been for me to find the perfect set of wargame rules to base a RPG on that also has room for my mystic power/reality warping rules.

Here is my list of demands:
allows for the belief that anything is possible

allows for reality to be warped in rare circumstances by characters

does not force combat as the only option unless it is

I go, you go piece by piece, NOT like warhammer

d6 only but many dice are okay, just not TOO many maybe max 10 but that is rare...

1d6 per soldier or vehicle
Easy to remember rules
Quick playing combat
Rules that make combat scary and deadly

rules that take terrain and cover seriously

close combat more than just high roll wins it needs more flavor to it to make fantasy battles more tense and colorful-I like Warhammer 40k assaults.

NO HIT POINTS, wounded characters are casualties that may or may not be dead
No skill lists
Character sheet has all you need except dice
Miniatures optional unless it is an actual battlefield
Universal rules
Single roll or as few as possible for task resolution/difficulty and quality of success

Free-form character details that don't feel like they are just tacked onto a wargame piece

really fun vehicle combat, including air and space/orbital
no stealth in space

possibility of different "factions" with their own special rules

activation, initiative and morale in one roll OR more recently, I have considered not at all (see below)

I have looked at:

Kryomek (love the background)

Stargrunt II (love it!)

Force on Force/Tomorrow's War (freaking love it!)

FAD (I may love this more than stargrunt II!)

Jim Wallman's Man at arms (love all his stuff!)

StarWars miniature battles

Beamstrike

VOR: the malestrom
Chainmail
Axis & Allies
Battletech
Aerotech
Full Thrust
Warhammer Fantasy
Warhammer 40k

I know there are others, I just can't think of them

I am currently looking at CROSSFIRE: Company level WWII wargame.

It is a little different and is forcing me to rethink some things that I have simply always taken for granted in roleplaying games AND wargames rules.  This game seems to make you forget about the rules, but I don't think you could call it a rules light game.  I believe that there is GREAT potential for this game to be the one I was looking for.  I'll put it this way... I haven't had a lot of interest in playing WWII games before, even though I wanted the rules to work for WWII games.  After reading only a little about this game, I would love to play WWII.  I have found many homebrew rules for playing Crossfire in the modern era as well as in the future.  Many people love vehicle combat as I do, and have homebrew'd more vehicle rules for Crossfire as well.  It is too early to tell if it will work for my needs, but I'd say this one is great as it stands now.  It is out of print, though, but there may be a new, revised version to come out some time (it is in the works).