Exactly how many virgins are waiting for you?

I have always felt a little resistance in my head about the term virgin. It is so archaic and so...Well, forgive me, but it is kinda gross, don't you think? Well, it is. I don't understand what it means exactly so let us go to several sources...

vir·gin (vûrjn)n.1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.

2. Achaste or unmarried woman;a maiden.

3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

4. VirginTheVirgin Mary.

5. Zoology A female insect or other arthropod that produces fertile eggs without copulating. adj.1. Of, relating to,or being avirgin; chaste.2. Being in a pure or natural state;unsullied: virgins now.3. Unused, uncultivated, or unexplored:virgin territory.4. Existing in native or raw form; not processed or refined.

5.Happeningfor the first time; initial.

6.Obtained directly from the first pressing: virgin olive oil.

7.Zoology Producing fertile eggs without copulating.

I think that being a virgin is COMPLETELY impossible in today's society. Ancient cultures for some reason or another are often a little too obsessed (In my opinion) with their daughter's genitalslittle creepy and weird. A little male dominated too. So is the term "Penetrated", a word that is often encountered while reading on "Virginity". Such a male word. Why not something sexier too, like surround or squeeze or something...I don't know. Physically, being a virgin is purely about status and control in every culture that I am aware of. Controlling women and being proud of it. There is no real definition for it and no one can agree on it when it gets down to what it constitutes. If you ask questions like: what if you are raped? While in a coma? when you wake are you a virgin? What if you are molested while in a coma? What if you masturbate? Oral sex anyone? Clothes on? It is absurd.
I say this, because there are too many stipulations on what makes a "female" a virgin, and guys are masturbating at a very early age, since one can supposedly lose virginity by accident and through non-sexual actions, and since people think that they can become a virgin again, and since so many people seem to be obsessed with "doin' it" with a virgin (including male members of certain religions) and also due to the amount of shame that is placed on some people because of all of these situations, I say that the term is archaic and no longer has meaning due to the [only slight] advancement of our civilization.
The new definition that I propose is:

Virgin (Ver-Jin) n 1. Any person born with a physical body.

Once you pop, you can't stop

It just occured to me why I have always found the term non-smoker irritating when used to categorize someone that quit smoking cigarettes. You see, once you have smoked you have performed a new action that is akin to sex. You don't have to do it, you just feel the urge and really really want to, but you don't have to. You can quit having sex, but you are not a virgin. It is the same as with smoking. You smoke that first cigarette and you are forever changed. I would go so far as to argue that if you smoke pipes, cigars or joints, you are a smoker and will not be able to go long without your junk. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it is pretty much the same thing...A leaf that is dried, cut and as it is burned, the smoke is inhaled into the body~not always the lungs, but burning cut leaves and sucking the smoke into your mouth is involved: Smoking. Admit it. You are always a non-virgin just as you are always a non-smoker. Technically, you could say that you are a non-smoker any time that you are not smoking, so it is not honest anyway. Just say that you are a "quitter". Much more honest, much more positive in respect to the fact that you no longer smoke and also more confident sounding. Scott: a quitter. I don't know if I like that or not. Yikes. Kinda too honest perhaps. But I still stand by my original point that once you are a smoker you are never going to be a non-smoker again, just as once you have sex, you are never a virgin again. I have my feelings about the term "virgin", but I will save that for another blog another day.

Um... how many servings did you say?

Good new! I will be Eating 3 times less flex points in the future due to my MAJOR miscalculation for a particular quick and easy meal. What had happened was I saw serving size "1 cup" and thought that it meant the 1 container of rice, beef and vegetables. Well, I looked further down...

SERVINGS PER CONTAINER: 3

Xiosynth!

I'm already on it!

Seriously, I have talked to "the Bee" who said I should look into financing it. It seems like an adequate enough tool for my purposes, especially when I was considering using an old Yamaha FM synth. This will be much more doable. Connected with my electribe, I should be able to create some really interesting rhythms and textures to play guitar over.

SMELL BADDDDD!

This would be cool to Beavis and Butthead.

Almost as bad as cooking chili uncovered in the work microwave is cooking something that stinks to high heaven.  Want to piss off your work friends?  Try one, or all of these.
Cheap Powdery Parmesan Cheese - microwaved by itself, it smells like vomit.
Canned fish - you know what it smells like.
Weenies - out of context it stinks and the smell sticks in your throat.
Ketchup or Catsup - warm and out of context it smells gross, but kinda sweet.
Dry Dog Food - F.Y.I., heated, they smell like dirty sasquatch balls.

Actually,

The mention of coffee does make me think about something. The worst smell. Imagine fishtank "sediment", tuna juice, burned cheetos, and cheap incense. The smell of cigarette butts in a coffee cup. I wonder what this smelled like to other people...God, I am sooooooo sorry! That'll make ya quit!

No coffee for me, please. Thank you.

After reading my previous posts, I simply wanted to post something that does not mention me not coughing anymore...

Chemtrails and such

I think that ADD might be

Hellthy

It seems like our society's direction pushes us in a direction towards self destruction. Of course, I am not only talking about eating healthy food, but I'll save that for another day. Margarine, salt, preservatives and aspartame. Throw in some frozen vegetables and meat. This is our food. This is our death. Diet health food is provided in small plastic containers~just add water. Pay more for smaller servings of more toxic "food" and just eat more to satisfy the food addiction you have. Hey, it IS health food, right? You need to make a lot of money at your job in order to pay for your diet food. In order to get the job and keep it, you need to be skinny. In order to be skinny you need to diet and EXERCISE, but you cannot fit it into your schedule when you are having to work full time just to break even let alone pay for gym membership and especially not for a personal trainer. At least not if you want any type of a healthy social life. It is possible. You just have to be really hyped up on energy drinks...Then you crash. Then we crash. Then it all fall down.


I have been introduced to a new book that, upon close inspection, could have an impact on my life. The China Study examines the relationship between the consumption of animal products and illnesses such as cancers of the breast, prostate, and large bowel, diabetes, coronary heart disease, obesity, autoimmune disease, osteoporosis, degenerative brain disease, and macular degeneration. Although I am not a vegan, I have always seriously considered it. It would be like quitting smoking for me I think, but I did manage to do that successfully.

From now on

I told myself one time that I would not do pics, because they always make me feel bad about myself. This is why... I promise this is a different outfit. They all just look the same, unfortunately. Oh well, more motivation!
But, you know, I need to stop being hard on myself. I am good. I am getting better every day. We are talking about BIG changes here and I am making them. It is not good for me to be overweight and I recognize that and am making gigantic steps to change that. I sometimes worry more about what other people think of me than what I think about myself and by default, that means that I have a bad attitude about me. This is not true though and I intend to change this starting today.

It has been about 1 year around this time

The whole time that Jennifer and I were "Quitting" was a blur and I have trouble recollecting anything that happened outside of what I recorded here. It has been a full year (Jennifer said it was the 22nd, but I snuck a few puffs at work that set me back a few days).

Nothing much has happened since my last post except that I am still having the urge to inhale smoke into my lungs for some odd reason. I have never known what to do with my hands and have felt a little insecure, so I think that I mentally needed this action in order to feel comfortable in social situations. I never really enjoyed smoking alone...well sometimes I did, but mostly it was when I was with others. You tell a joke or a story and you inhale and exhale. Blow a ring or two. Then you drop ash. Either on the ground in front of you, in the grass away from you or in an ash tray. Ash trays stink. I miss smoking sometimes, but I do NOT miss emptying ash trays or smelling the second hand smoke. Also I do NOT miss the coughing. This is one really important thing to mention. I have not had a cold since I quit smoking. It says a lot about our society, though. How we justify our behaviors by playing ignorant. We smoke cigarettes, eat junk and drink toxins and wonder why we have problems.

To be so worried...

Music has always been important to me. Playing with my toy guitar as a chubby little kid, my grandmother teaching me to play piano/organ using the "pointer system", and me playing French Horn in elementary and junior high band. I never was an outstanding player, but I always felt this connection with playing. Like I needed to say something with it. This, to me, is like sculpting sounds and I have this...image in my mind. This intense feeling...and it...means something.

I apologize for the bad joke, but sometimes it feels that way. Well I write today because I have recently come to the realization that I NEVER think that it is ok for me to play. I seem to always think that I have to somehow EARN the right to get out my instrument, hook up the cords and stompboxes and processors and play. I feel that, before today I had so very many conditions that needed to be met before I could play. Not anymore. I used to really worry about this, but not anymore. I am going to be a shameless musician. I don't care if I sound "bad" or not. I don't care if I need to wash laundry. I don't care if it is 3:00 am and I can't sleep. I can use headphones. I am not going to put this off anymore. It is like this vow of silence I have taken for no reason. Just because I don't think I am worthy, or that no one will listen. I will listen, and that is all that matters. Maybe I am the only one that NEEDS to hear this music. That would be ok too.

The Fateau

Now is the time. I have reached the plateau where it is difficult to continue. It is the wall. Will I keep on going or be a big fat failure.

This week has been hard for me for some reason. I don't know why. It could be that my sister started a new business. Nevermind Valentines day. Truffles, truffles, truffles. OMG. Then, I have really been sliding on my exercising. I still feel that I have lost weight, though. It is quite a shame when I look at my pictures. I feel so much smaller than this. Of course, there is the issue of exactly how baggy my britches are. Let me not get started on that. Anyway, this is what you are here for: My sexy pics!

As you can see, I have lost weight according to the side view, not the front view. I will eventually not be wearing so much clothing, but until that time I am so big that it is pointless.

I am so sick and tired of being shirt and pants conscious. I feel that I am constantly tugging my shirt down and pulling my pants up. All the time. It makes me crazy as you can plainly see here:

No, I am not going to be a big fat failure. I quit smoking. I can do anything.

AD&D

Yep. It sounds about right. Doesn't it? I post like once a month-if that. Well anyway, I did go see someone that has diagnosed me as having what many people in the United States of America and abroad call Attention Deficit Disorder. I am not 100% sure of this because of my extreme conspiratorialist mind. I started having problems that were interfering with my life over a year ago that only got worse with time. Then my ankles swelled up and...well, heart problems was my first concern. Turns out my ticker is fine. Being 30 sucks though. I think that my problem is that I don't want to grow up for some reason. I can't just suck it up like a good boy and just do it (be an adult). Well, after being taken to an underground base in NM and given hellish electroshock therapy and after the insertion of a parasitic extra-dimentional reptilian into my chest cavity, I am feeling better. Oh, yeah! I am also on meds. I got Jacob's L-Adderall. I was so freaking worried about it, but it ultimately came down to the fact that my problems were affecting my work greatly and especially the trust of my therapist that I was not going to become a mind controlled zombie or something. Well...I actually feel a little better. I can concentrate enough to sort of finish a project to a point now. I never knew that I was so easily distracted, but now I have to set reminders to stop working, not because I feel that I am running out of time and I lose track of it trying to concentrate and finish a sentence, but because I am actually working and doing a GREAT job. I recently got my highest commendation at work so far in 2 years. Another big thing is that I don't catch myself getting side tracked as much. While using the computer, I would routinely have up to 10 Internet explorer pages up at a time-all with different things that I was side tracked to AND from. Now It is not like that as much. I am definitely seeing some drawbacks such as an unpredictable lapse in the pills effectiveness. If I have any kind of stress, I get a little overwhelmed sometimes, but this has been one of the things I started experiencing 2 years ago anyway. It HAS gotten a lot better because I only want to bash my head into a wall about one time a week instead of about once every other day. I am NOT going to say that it is the right thing for me at this time and I am definitely NOT going to say that it is good for anyone at all. I am NOT convinced that it is not somehow part of the conspiracy somehow, be it mind control or simply killing us off with toxins on ANY kind. I do NOT want to be on this drug for a long time. Even if there are no other options.

Oh yeah! I have a fat blog!

I kind of like stopped writing here for a short time. Had some issues at work. A little crazy stuff. Anyway, Jennifer and I have started doing the Weight Watchers "Flex Plan". We love it. I know she has lost a lot and I think that I have too. Not weighing ourselves, just going by clothes fit. Not much difference for me, but Jennifer has made a big difference. I have always had baggy pants. I do feel better tho. It has been since January 1st now and we have kept it up the whole time.

Here is a big dieting tip: Cheat!
Be realistic. Eating too much is the problem, but happiness is important too. Jennifer and I allow ourselves to eat whatever we want to on our 2 days off. We eat out, order pizza, make cookies, whatever! I PIG OUT!!! I know that I am slowing down my progress, but I tell this now...I have spent my entire adult life being fat and I know what I am doing. I have lost 50 pounds before starving myself and walking miles every day. gained it all back in like less than 2 years, because it was not a realistic lifestyle change. Not the kind of life I wanted to live then and not the kind of lifestyle I want to live now. I like food and there is nothing wrong with that. I just need to learn how to control my eating. Here is the thing about the cheating...I have noticed that I first would really eat till I was Sick, but now I really don't eat that much more. Just some richer foods and some things with more fat. I have found that it takes a lot less to make me sick than it used to. This diet works! I don't want to quit, I am losing weight, feeling better and having more energy. Sometimes I eat all of my points and sometimes I don't. Some days I go over a little bit. Some days I forget to count. I try not to get obsessed. I use poker chips to count my flex points and at the end of the day I sometimes "chip out" and eat the rest-whatever that can be.

Tip # 2: Have fun!
Exercise should not be about pain! Well, yeah, you should feel the burn, but just dancing around naked in your apartment is good. (not saying I do this) Jennifer and I have started using free weights. I like these-the heavier ones. I don't want to push it so I stick with 25 pounders and I do various curls with them in reps of 20. This has helped me a lot. I am more relaxed and more confident. Since my waist is so large I decided to make my arms big to compensate. The extra muscle will burn more fat too. Exercise should most importantly (I think) include stretching. Deep breathing and stretches. YOGA. Try it! It is really easy, yet challenging and Since I was so inflexible, it is great to know that you can modify positions-none of which are difficult. Adults need to play like children. We are children...we just stopped playing games that allow do-overs and made up rules, and such. Be the child you are inside!

Tip#3 Don't weigh yourself! Chart your success.
Measure your parts if you have to, but if you are fat, then keep in mind that a few pounds here and there are likely to be water and the results can be so unsatisfying when you see no change. If you must weigh yourself, do so every day twice a day at the same times and chart it. Also chart other beneficial things like your energy level, extra cash, etc. Dieting for a month and not seeing any big difference in your appearance sucks, but if you look at a chart that shows small changes over the last 30 days, you will feel much better. It takes work to consistently chart your successes without forgetting to, but it is definitely worth it.

Tip #4 Take a picture
Take a before picture of yourself wearing only underwear. Cover your face or something so you wont get all embarrassed. This should replace the need for measuring your success on the scales or however.

Tip #5 don't measure success by clothes fitting.
Just don't do it. you will get depressed. I promise you it's not worth it.

Tip #6 Cut out sodas entirely if possible
They have a lot of bad stuff in them anyway. Drink a lot of cold water.

Tip #7 Find a snack food like roasted almonds or peanuts that you like and can go to when you are starting to graze. This go-to snack should be at least semi-healthy and very filling. Almonds are my choice and they help me. Eating 22 wassabi/soy almonds for me is 4 points and half of that is all I end up eating. Just watch your sodium intake!

Looking back

Looking back on this whole experience, I can see how strongly it affected me. I was a totally different person. This has been and still is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Jennifer has been my guiding light this whole time and I feel that if it were not for her I would still be a smoking failure. Thanks to her, I have actually started and finished something.

I still have the occasional urge to light up, but whenever I smell cigarette smoke now, I get a little sick. I hate being that kind of nerd that cant stand cigarette smoke, but at least I am not doing it anymore at the cost of my health.

I have not been seriously sick one time since I quit. I used to get sinus infections, sore throats, bronchitis and border on pneumonia at least 1 time every 3 months. Now, I hardly seem to show severe allergy symptoms like I had as a kid. I have read that once you are allergic to something, you are always allergic, but I don't seem to have a problem like I used to. I didn't smoke when I was a kid, and I don't think that smoking cured me of allergies, and I am not saying that if you quit smoking, it will cure you of all your ills including allergies. No chance. quitting smoking is going to be a monthly struggle for a long time from now for me. I enjoyed it so much.

I enjoy my brisk walks in the morning with Jennifer and the 2 girls without coughing, though. Laughing without having to cough. Singing in the shower without having to cough. Waking up in the morning without having to cough. Really, now I only cough when I am near cigarette smoke...or whenever I eat almonds. Thanks for reading!