To be so worried...

Music has always been important to me. Playing with my toy guitar as a chubby little kid, my grandmother teaching me to play piano/organ using the "pointer system", and me playing French Horn in elementary and junior high band. I never was an outstanding player, but I always felt this connection with playing. Like I needed to say something with it. This, to me, is like sculpting sounds and I have this...image in my mind. This intense feeling...and it...means something.

I apologize for the bad joke, but sometimes it feels that way. Well I write today because I have recently come to the realization that I NEVER think that it is ok for me to play. I seem to always think that I have to somehow EARN the right to get out my instrument, hook up the cords and stompboxes and processors and play. I feel that, before today I had so very many conditions that needed to be met before I could play. Not anymore. I used to really worry about this, but not anymore. I am going to be a shameless musician. I don't care if I sound "bad" or not. I don't care if I need to wash laundry. I don't care if it is 3:00 am and I can't sleep. I can use headphones. I am not going to put this off anymore. It is like this vow of silence I have taken for no reason. Just because I don't think I am worthy, or that no one will listen. I will listen, and that is all that matters. Maybe I am the only one that NEEDS to hear this music. That would be ok too.