GHOST

I had an experience today that really made me think on one level. Made me appreciate everything and in one moment, really scared me deeply. Time truly passed very slowly as this happened, and I can clearly remember it in detail, even though it happened in the blink of an eye. If I had blinked today, I would not be writing this now. I have been nearly killed many times before, but this time, I somehow did not get visibly shaken...I was more upset that I was not upset. I did not freak out. I did not cry, I just cursed, and went on about my day. This was almost blacked out from my consciousness...only I am aware of it. It was just weird. Kinda like this photo...

and this...

I was sitting at the red light at my work, on lunch. Waiting to turn left. Pleasant day. Sky streaked with chemtrails (mental note made...It was hotter than it had been the previous day with no chemtrails). I waited, listening to the silence. Tired of calls. Doing a good job, though. Happy. Hungry. Green. Go. I am so cautious. I always look left and right and forward and behind whenever I make any move in my car. I looked left, only one car in 2 lanes, sitting at a complete stop. Looked right. Nothing at all. No cars ahead, trying to turn right and create that awkwardness as I need to get over to the far right as soon as I turn left so I can get on the exit ramp to get on the freeway. I pull out cautiously.
WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

I watched in slow motion as a car sped thru the light going, I am sure, around 50 mph. This car passed the front of mine at this speed at a distance of about 2 yards that looked like about 6 inches from my perspective and felt like I was actually hit. I watched in slow motion as the obviously old man (He was wearing a member's only jacket and an old man cap perched on the top of his head) staring intently on the road ahead. I watched him pass in slow motion and I thought to myself that I almost died. I would have been killed. I had my seat belt on, and we have side impact airbags, but I do not feel that this would have protected me. I am extremely happy that I was over-cautious and looked twice. I would have really been splattered all over the place. I immediately thought "What is going to happen?", "What will Jennifer do?", "What if I...survive?", "Would I want to?", "What of my family?", "What would happen?", "Would I be over with?", "Is there a heaven?". I felt rage, fragility, futility, sadness, fateful, lucky, random, ok.