Good boy. Bad week.

I am not in the mood, really to talk about my fat. No pictures. I am sick of life today. Just to let you know. I hate our world, our society. Money. Business. Insurance. Work. Cars. Airplanes. Government. Houses. Utilities. Drinks. Meat. Piss. Clothes. Conspiracies. Wind.
I must stop myself. I am really sick of it all though. Got a good job. Got fat. Not doing good enough at my job. Got a new boss. Bad boss. Scott gets a little nervous. Downward spiral. Depression. Anxiety. Clammed up. Paranoia. Overwhelming sense of impending doom. Feeling of being trapped. Being lost and confused. Cant focus. Cant concentrate on anything. Feeling of losing time. Being NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Keep on truckin. No bother. Just keep it inside. Don't tell anyone. Ankles swell up. Heart palpitations. Dizzy. Nausea. Boom. I freak out. I lose it. Great. Now I am fat and CRAZY too. Well. Good job. Now I can take 5 days off a month no worries. Now I can take 2 extra breaks a day. I go to see a therapist. Great stuff. Making progress. Doing great at work. Got a bonus. Got back a lot from IRS. Boom. Now work is harder than ever. People are meaner. Problems harder. Can't do as good a job. Boom. Stressing. I work through it. Outside work is great. Oh, I see a keyboard I would like to get. Well, now. Wouldn't you like to get that. Not in your wildest dreams. Not so fast. You have a wonderful wife that makes it possible by shifting money around. WOW! AND she gets something she wants too! Boom Boom BOOM! I grit my teeth. Cracked. Bottom. FUCK. It hurts. Now I am really fucked. Right? UPS man where are you? Got it. Awesome keyboard. Synthesizer. Techno. Industrial. Whatever. I can fight the pain of my tooth. It hurt me before. I just don't want to make a big deal out of it. Whump...Whump...Whump. It really hurts now. I got 5 days off in a row. I go to dentist. Dentist says I need a root canal. See when I broke my tooth about a year ago, I didn't get it looked at. I just dealt with the pain, till it went away. I brushed the best I could in that area. Well, now I have 4 cavities and one of them is infected. No wonder I have been feeling so weird lately. I have an infection in my head. Well. I think I will make it. No problem. BOOOM! Just the crown is @$1000. My insurance covers 1/2. The Canal itself is going to be $229 with insurance. The Keyboard is being sent back and we will be in debt. BOOOOOM. Supervisor Sends me a message: Your days off were not approved. I am completely in shock and amazement at how hard people work for some GOD DAMN corporate entity to make sure that it does not lose out on any little morsel of profit. I can only hope that I am not going to lose my job. This is really the last straw for me. I have no more love for this world. I am on antibiotics now. I have pain medicine. I hate medicine. I hate pain. I hate pain medicine. What I need is about 4 free years to get things straight. It seems that we come into this world and we are already in debt. I cannot seem to get my head above water. there is always someone with their fucking foot on my head. No one can get anything without paying dearly for it. I can't get out of anything. Nothing. I have to suffer. No exceptions. I have to be in pain or pay a lot of money. I have to be depressed and anxious and suffer from paranoia and attention deficit disorder unless I can pay for visits to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I can't have any excuse for being out of work unless it is related to this, and then only if it is approved and monitored and noted and discussed. I can't pay for insurance and expect anyone to pay for my problems. I have to have insurance and I have to suffer. I have no choices. No freedom. I cannot pursue my own happiness because I am busy trying to pursue my necessities. I cannot start a business. I cannot help my sister with hers, nor can i help my wife start her own. I have to sit here in my SHIT and SUCK IT UP like a fucking rover, I roll over and over and take it. Play dead. That is all I am doing now. Playing dead. Like a good boy. Life is also good. I know this. I just need to see something more than just barely breaking even. I don't want to get "Ahead" I just want my head out of the water enough to be comfortable for a while. I have struggled enough. I think. I bet you have too. Well you are gonna have to fight me for it. Just kidding. I'll share with you!