I have always wondered what I was going to do with my life. Soldier? Archaeologist? Fighter Pilot? Police Officer? EMT? Nurse? CNA? Engineer? Psychologist? Musician? Writer? Game Designer? Programmer? This is not an exhaustive list, by any means. I have felt like I was lost my whole life. I knew that I didn't want to be a soldier, because I don't like the thoughts of killing other human beings (I save bugs), and Archaeologist and fighter pilot was excluded early on. I don't like to be judgemental and point fingers + I don't want to shoot people or be shot at, so police officer is not for me either. EMT, I thought about it a lot, but I don't like dealing with drugs and the healthcare system that much (although I love phlebotomy). I don't want to be a male nurse, even in the ER. I tried the ER out as a CNA and loved the job, but didn't get along with nurses too well as a CNA, there was a sort of attitude that CNAs or "Techs" are not as important a team member. Also, there was too much gossip, drama and backstabing going on. CNA... dear lord. I did that way too long and the pay is very low. The work is important and that is why I did it so long, because I did love what I was doing. If you can't pay bills, though, why do it? Engineer was ruled out due to my age and lack of time to go to school. I have to work full time to pay bills and it is just not an option. It would take me many, many years to be anything similar to what I want in that field. I haven't completely excluded it, but it is not very realistic. Psychologist was my first instinct when I was in the 11th grade. Took a class on it and enjoyed it, but ultimately I decided against it completely when I found out that with a degree, you are going to be a human resources person or a therapist and I don't want anything to do with either one of these. therapist, particularly after I started seeing one. (my own f---ed-up-ness made me not want to be a psychologist). I have always loved music. I inherited this from my grandmother and have always wanted to play music. I have never had a desire to perform, really, just to make music or even just sounds. This is not something you can make a lot of money doing so I have excluded it as a job. It is my hobby and that is all. As a writer or a game designer, I take way too long to produce anything because I am a perfectionist. My other grandmother had always told me to get into computers and so I have learned a lot about them and considered learning programing or whatever those whippersnappers are calling it nowadays. I think that I missed the boat on this, but it is not completely being excluded from my list. I am not excited about these options, though. I feel that they are not positions that allow me to be everything that I know that I can be or to do everything that I know that I can do. I have a sense of purpose and have felt that since I was a little boy in husky wranglers. Not an elitist feeling that I am better than or that I am 'special', just that I feel that I have a mission here and it isn't computers and it isn't engineering or working in the ER with sick patients.
Thank god I lost my job at T-Mobile. I started working as a courier and met many interesting people. All of them had something in common. They were almost all retired firefighters (a few were still firefighters, one was a police officer retired and another was a lawyer). Anyway, I worked with them for a while and never even thought about their profession.
One night, I came home late to the apartment and there were police officers driving thru the complex searching for someone. One officer flaged me down and as he approached me asked if I had seen anyone 'acting suspicious' around. I stated that I had not and that I had just got home. I said I'd let him know if I saw anyone and proceeded to the apartment. As I got to the door, I realized that I was going to have to take the dogs out as soon as I went in and also I remembered that there was a robbery in our complex a week prior. I set down my backpack and pulled out my flashlight to look behind the building, where I usually took the dogs since there is no lights back there and there are lots of trees. I figured that I would make sure that no one was hiding back there. I had a hard day on the job and didn't feel like being assaulted. I turned on the flashlight and immediately several police officers ran to me asking what I am doing out here. I explained that I was looking to see if there was anyone there. I was scolded by the officers, but what really affected me was that one of them said...
"looks like you missed your calling."
I was mad about that comment for weeks. Then one day, I realized that maybe I hadn't missed my calling. I realized that I have always been the person that wants to go help someone in need. Car wrecks (I feel the need to stop), someone falling (I want to make sure they are okay), I liked helping sick patients, but i always felt that I should be doing something more physical to help people. I am very strong and can carry a lot, I am pretty nimble for a fat guy, I am brave enough and cautious enough to go and do whatever needs to be done even if it is dangerous and I can withstand a lot of heat easily. I am very patient and bull-headed too. I am compassionate and very good with my hands. I am a very serious person (I can be just plain stupid too). These abilities are pretty much useless as a nurse or CNA. Since I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, I started to actually feel like I found what i am meant for. I started to feel my eyes tear up and not from being sad, but from being overwhelmed with emotion. I am still confused as to why I never even considered firefighter as an option when it feels so natural to me. Like it 'fits'. I even knew a girl in highschool that became a firefighter. I have always liked playing with the garden hose while watering the lawn. I am good with an axe. blah blah blah. Never once even thought about it. As strange as it is, this fact makes me feel even more strongly that it is my calling. I asked some of the guys about being a firefighter and they told me what the job entails and how to try out and all of that.
Anyway I looked down and then realized that I am not in the best physical shape of my life and THAT wasn't so good. I started to panic. I have till I am 39 to be a firefighter. The one good sign is that there can be NO SMOKINIG. I will never smoke a cigarette again anyway so I am on the right path. I have been trying to lose weight for a LONG time so this is all the motivation I need. I watched videos on the training and am not sure if I can do it now, but I know that I can in time. My main concern is to lose weight. When I don't weigh as much it will be easier to climb ladders and crawl on my hands and knees. Can I get in shape enough to make the cut? I don't know, but I am going to give it EVERYTHING that I've got starting today.
We'll just have to see if I actually did miss my calling.
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