the fell i took a few days ago was representative of a lot of things going on in my life. aside from coming to terms with the fact that falling hurts more than it used to, mentally and emotionally i have taken a few falls, including a fall back into depression.
"stupid and useless. won't amount to anything. no discipline. freak. pervert. gross. never was. untalented. dorky. fat. ugly. pathetic"
you know what all depression tells you... that stuff.
i am cramming for the test of my life via the fpsi tpm 10th edition. this is only the first in what i can only imagine are countless countless life tests that applying for the position of firefighter will bring. let alone actually being one.
despite my downward descent into the realms of despair, i have remained positive regarding this venture and my position on this has not changed. besides, the fall didn't hurt that bad and considering all the physical work i had done, 1 fall while standing on a pile of broken down boxes isn't too bad.
still losing weight, i just need to really concentrate on food intake and cut out the sodium. i have slipped up a few times this last week, but not bad. i am not going vegan or something, just trying to practice a little m o d e r a t i o n. god that was difficult.
anyway, i managed to stand up after the fall and straighten my big-huge-pants and shirt, dust myself off and get on with things. there you go.
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