tired of sleep

i had a dream that i was running effortlessly. maybe that is why i am so sore this morning. i am starting to get a little bit irritated. although i am exhibiting control when it comes to food and drink and as a result am losing weight, yesterday and today, i woke up late when my plan was to get up and go to the ymca early. what happened? second shift happened. this shift is killing me. i have been battling depression and this shift is part of the problem. there are not any first shift jobs that i am 'qualified' for and no openings at my current job, so i am at a loss. i wake up feeling horrible every morning. i hate to sleep anyway. i have always felt that it is a waste of time. don't get me wrong, when i am sleeping and comfortable, that is just alright. but, for example, last night; i tossed and turned from one sore side to the other. then comfortable, my arm goes to sleep. the last hour of sleep is the worst, because i am uncomfortable and asleep, but partially awake-enough to realize i am uncomfortable, just not awake enough to do anything about it except go back to sleep. over and over and over.

what does all of this mean? you see, all along, (even as i type these words), i have known that i didn't have to go to the ymca early since it is open till about 8:00 pm. i could go any time before work. i clock in at 4:00 pm. what this means is that i am undisciplined. i am seriously in need of help here. if it were as simple as going to the store and buying discipline, i'd be okay. no, discipline would probably be overpriced. who knows. this stuff is gold, but it comes from your childhood or something. i don't know. i know that i don't have it. it is what makes so many people just effortlessly glide through life. i obtained a book by theodore bryant, msw, called self-discipline in 10 days. i am going to be applying this book to my life and, interestingly enough, my next 10 posts for you to enjoy.