Still doing it.

The year is almost over and I have for sure lost at least 50 pounds. I am very close to posting another picture of me. I am scared to see the results, but I know that they are noticeable. The Holidays did make things a little harder, but I will NEVER pass up sausage balls, turkey & dressing w/gravy or pie.

Still starving...

Well, I have lost more and my pants are large on me. Shirts are no longer small on me. I am quite pleased now, but have been tied up with my ankle and MAYA. Work has been an issue as well. On top of my increasing anxiety problems brought on by my job and the deep emotional trauma that has been revisited because of my job. There has been enough going on for me to not even want to eat.

This old man came rolling home

I probably broke my ankle as I slipped on the wet grass on the dark side of the hill. No one was there to see me, but I can assure you I let out quite a tremendous sound. I did laugh for a moment, but the laughing ceased when I felt my left ankle crush under my ass just before I careened down the hill. In a short leg splint now. Awaiting my PHP to call me back. The Urgent care X-Ray was not readable because of the swelling so they said I need to follow up with them. Crutches. Splint. Pain meds. Pain. Questions. At least I have Jennifer, who has really stepped up to take care of me. I am one lucky guy! Except for the fact that I fell down the hill and all.

2 sugarloafs to go!

last weigh in on saturday: 360 even. Over the plateau now, but just slow a-goin'. Still a-goin' though, just not ready for a picture yet. I will post one when I am at 350, so get ready! I just broke my ankle this past monday. It hurts and eating does nothing for the pain, so I am sure to lose quite a bit more in the next few weeks. I will keep in touch more often, I promise.

Fuzzy blue crayon world

I have discovered the intro to my composition "fuzzy blue crayon world" this morning. The song is somber and melancholic but strangely uplifting. It is warm and chilling at the same time. I have always like the composition. No lyrics at all for it yet. Only the melody. Intended to be very textural, but as I play it clean with an echo, It sounds perfect. Perhaps a little chorus to make it a little more warbly (is that a word?). Maybe not. The TS9X sounds a bit much so the Grunge is out of the question. Clean seems too pristine, though. I'l have to try some of the processers I have for the perfect "Overdrive" sound. I'll post what I record soon enough. Maybe I'll meet up with some peeps that want to work together on this to make it into something more...

I need an asprin

This is where I vent my frustrations

so here the fuck goes...

I am so god damn sick of my fucking job, I am not thinking clearly. How can you go from loving it to hating it so abruptly? It is because of the fucking management.

Lets start from the beginning. I worked at a hospital in the ER. Loved the job, but not enough money and the insurance was crappy. I was lured to my current company because the facility was new and the pay was really good. Much better than I was making at the hospital even after 4 years of service there. I was lured by the bonuses, discounts and rewards. I was convinced this was a good company to work for. I made a list of the pros and cons for changing my job and decided to leave the hospital. The training was tough but they made it fun. In retrospect, I see now that HR simply makes EVERYTHING into a huge ordeal, overcomplicating everything just so, as it would seem, they have job security. I have no real problem with this, it is just irritating sometimes when you deal with people in HR that are moody and won't go out of there way to help you at all. This is just an observation.

The problem I then found after a year of service is that their expectations are hard to meet. The bonuses I spoke of are non-existent if you do not meet their expectations. No raises, no extra pay for sales, nothing. You are not elligible for the bonuses if you do not meet their expectations. In the first year, changes were made that I could easily adapt to because I had just learned another way to do it and they changed it. What happens is when you have a year or more experience doing something one way and they change policy and either don't warn you at all (expecting you to read it in their database before work) or they give you a rundown of the changes in a team meeting and expect that to be the only time that you need to be explained the changes. Hand you some paperwork, get you to sign a sheet. Watch a video starring some special representatives that don't actually do the job tell you how to do your job and then go back to the phones, rushing to make sure you are compliant with their schedule.

(It is like the company is ran by a bunch of people that do not want to do their job when a mouse-click could fix any problem, being decent could, talking with someone could, a phone call, etc.)

There has been so many changes in policy lately that I don't even know how to do my job. We are so micromanaged that I cannot seem to get one statistic, score or whatever to be what they consider good or at an acceptable level. As soon as I do, Mutherfuckers change the god damn policy again. I cannot express to you (the reader) how frustrating it is to me after putting in almost 3 years of my life and my fucking soul into this. I had all the big expectations in myself to do a good job and balance [juggle] my metrics balance CE and O (Customers, Employees and Owners) until I was promoted. I have NEVER met their expectations. Instead, I spend ALL of my energy trying to please them in one area only to neglect another area. When this is done, and IF I do a better job or show a sign of improvement, the want to stress me out about the other stat. I am NEVER good enough. This is a poor way to treat employees and a poor way to treat people.
We are being told to be the manager, yet questioned when we make command decisions because it does not follow policy that is hidden deep in the database of all the policies, which by their own admission is often redundant and poorly organized, but I'd like to add inefficient, constantly updated, hard to look at, poorly named links that are often to dead ends as far as policy goes or references to policies that are for other departments and my theory that it was built solely for the HR department to have something to teach for 4 weeks. We are told to right fit our customer's to the correct rate plans and features, but this only means to sell Data features to people that don't want them. We are encouraged to sell and discouraged to remove the features. What happens is those of us that "right fit" customers so they save money, we don't add expensive data features. Then we end up deleting the data features that other (less scrupulous) reps add to other accounts. This looks like we are not doing their job when we are the ones that are looking out for the customer which is in the spirit of the whole "right fitting " policy. The company can make all kinds of changes to battle the poor economy when it makes Billions of dollars and when we are assisting customers while they battle the poor economy, we get penalized. That is a load of bullshit. I hate this word, but it is completely unfair. I have to wonder who is running this thing? Not someone that is truly balancing CE and O for sure. Not someone that cares about the customer's right fitting and not someone that cares for this to be the most highly regarded service company nor the best place to work.

We are expected to follow totally new policies that were barely brushed over in a 30 min training class between calls as our workload increases because of the new training. More types of calls, more tools to use (Tools that don't work) and more that can be done on a single call all end up hurting call time.

Whoa, don't get me started on transfers. We are penalized for transferring a customer to another department. Period. They will overlook it if, in hindsight and looking through the notes on the account etc. etc. etc. they see that the issue was taken care of and we were not able to do it ourselves. Even to the point of searching deep in the database of policies to find a reason. We are penalized and I personally am sent a distracting little outlook e-mail that says as the heading "improper transfer" which, when I see it, I loose my concentration on the call I am on and get a little frustrated.

So, lets see here...

Take that rude, impatient, irresponsible, ignorant, mumbling-then-screaming, disrespectful and argumentative hot-headed person's call transferred to you by the totally f'd IVR into one of several poorly defined queue's of reps that may or may not have received proper training, keep the call time below 330 seconds, right fit EVERY customer, make sure the customer is not paying for features they don't need (except for data features), address the customer's initial reason for calling (which could literally be anything under the sun from simple how to's which we are to tack on some upselling during to legal matters, ridiculously high bills ($1000 and up), rebates, exchanges, missing exchanges, ups delivery errors, Different policies for very similar situations, # changes, etc, etc, etc, unbelievably complicated proceedures with troubleshooting or missing orders/payments etc. etc. which we are to tack on some upselling during as well, show courtesy, and concern, sense of urgency, no hold, memo the account while you are talking to the customer and actively listening to customer and asking probing questions, Make sure to offer customer self help options, no credits, no supervisors (your the supervisor [except you are not really]) don't transfer to another department even if you are poorly trained to address the customer's needs, and hope the customer does not call back within 72 hours so it does not affect your one call resolution". Also don't end the call before the account is properly memo'd. If it's not, when supervisors go back to check on your work and they don't see anything in your notes, you could get penalized and most importantly, do NOT utilize the "After Call Work" tool to memo an account.

I would hate to talk to someone that is worrying about all this while they are trying to help me. They would have to sound like they are constipated!

I could go on and at this point I think I have vented enough. My fingers are sore. God I hate this Fucking Job tonight. Well, tomorrows another day. Let's just see what happens...

You guessed it.

You may have guessed already. I am working on a new project today. I am letting this one rest for a week or two, so stay tuned!

WTF, YA RLY, OMG, PWNAGE

Just wanted to say that I RLY H8 Internet slang. I hate it so much, unfortunately, that I don't even care about where it originated in the first place. I just plain don't like it. I am not a hateful person and I don't have any reason to hate it except that it is just not cool to me. I am all blogging this and moging and podcasting and uploading and all this crap. It just makes me tired in my head. Too much stuff for computers and internet to be bogged down with. Unsupervised kids running websites and other shit really gets on my nerves. I guess this is what it is, the younger generations embracing the technology and that is cool. I fucking hate the younger generations sense of entitlement and their lack of respect. I deal with too many 20 year olds that think they are mature, intelligent and responsible as they use their credit cards for buying piece of shit phones for $500 a pop and bitch because their bills are too high. Not every one of these little punk ass kids is rude and overprivledged, but most are. This does not mean that I hate them and want them to die, I just want them to shut up and listen till they learn that they don't know shit and that they will never know shit. Then need stuff their mouths with some fucking humble pie and not talk with their mouth full. If they would stop trying to be a fucking ROCK STAR, they would really see that life is a much more beautiful thing and that there is no need for this competition to be better than anyone else or to be some kind of a big shot personality. Indeed, I think that this is what we should be fighting against anyway. Being some kind of big personality. I am sorry for saying hate so many times here, but I will not delete any of it because this goes against the whole theme of my blog here. I will flat out tell you here where I will never tell you anywhere else. I do love these people and I am trying to understand them, but I find it hard sometimes. Sorry about the language in this one too. I am sleepy and cannot sleep because I am hot or cold and the dogs are in the bed too. I don't like to sleep with them sometimes because they like to lay horizontally in the bed in uncomfortable places for my body, especially my knees and my elbows. Now you know a little more about me.
Sati sassy britches doesn't like it either!

She gonna come kick yass an she gon whoop it yall, straight up now, y'hear?

WTF am I saying. I guess I kind of understand now why internet slang is used, beacause it is easier to type WTF than what the fuck and since some people say "What the Fuck" a lot, this is useful. My mind works pretty fast and it is hard for my little sausage fingers to keep up with my thoughts here, so I should come up with some more of these little internet slang Acronyms. Hmmm...

TALOFS - That's a load of fucking shit

FUTNFUNTMT - Fuck you that's not fair, you never told me that

WWSPTSC - Why would someone post that stupid comment

UYFSCA - Use your fucking spell checker asshole

UHNIWURTA - You have no idea what you are talking about

NOCWUH2SBYRATAPAAD - No one cares what you have to say because you are a tool, a poser and a douchebag

QPYSCBTRSARAN1CWUH2S - Quit posting your stupid comments because they are rude and no one cares what you have to say

WCYJTIFWIIANT2CMO - Why can't you just take it for what it is and not try to convince me otherwise

AYFKM - Are you fucking kidding me?

IG2PYESOOYB - I'm going to pull your endocrine system out of your body

UN2SYMFP - You need to shut your mouth fucking piehole

IASFAYCNK - I am so fucking awesome you could never know

IGWIWANCSM - I get what ever I want and nothing can stop me

MCCIMO - My Credit Card is maxed out

INPT - I'm not paying that

MDBTFM - My Daddy bought this for me

YBGOOMWCIROYAIMOGSUVWISATOMCITRWMHO - You better get out of my way cause I'll run over your ass in my oversized gift SUV while I'm smoking and talking on my cellphone in the rain without my headlights on.

ILY - I love you.

OITNG - Okay, I'm sleepy now goodnight

Well, I tell'ya what...

I recorded last night while Jennifer was at work. The storms were severe and she had to go to the office.









I had cords stretched all over the living room. The dogs slept. I had some problems and so it was after a million takes that I even got close to a decent recording volume and a million more before I came close to the actual sound I was trying to record. I hate using computers, except that editing is easier. Sometimes the ease in which it can be edited bothers me too. Usually, though, that is when I am listening to something on the radio. Well It is done now and it sounds OK. The recording here was done in one take, which is what I prefer to do when recording. My wife had agreed to assist me with the composition of this song and I was planning on creating a piece with some structure. This changed during the recording process. I was overwhelmed with the need to just wing it and so, I did. I am pleased with the results, but the track is not completed, because I am going to mix in some processed drums from my groove box. God I love tap tempo delay. This has changed everything for me. My XXD has it but you have to turn it on by holding the pedal down for 2 seconds. I find this difficult to do and so the Echo Park I use is perfect. Before I even discovered this rhythm, I had synced the delay to my little keyboard's drum machine at 120 BPM. Now it all went together perfectly. I like a slower tempo, but this song and the texture I created needed a little more spunk. I am not going to upload the recording yet, but you can see it here...

As you can see the ending looks a little intense. It was. It was something new and it felt good to me (which generally means it was not something that sounded all pretty). It reflected my mood of intensity, anticipation, regret, isolation and cynicism. Jennifer found out at the last minute she needed to go in across town and in the heat of the moment and the height of the storms fury, we had words. This was made up for on both sides, but the feelings lingered in the apartment till I ran them off with this recording. The level is a bit high, but this will be fixed later. I wanted it to have a slight computerized burn to it so I recorded it at a pretty high volume. I am pleased overall, but would have liked the playing to have been a bit more tight with some of the muted parts and one thing I did not like at all was the sound of the higher notes thru the computer. It sounded like it didn't belong, so when you are listening to it later (if you listen) notice how, towards the end, I start going up to another pitch (on the high e string) and only play it once. I decided to keep on recording just to see how it sounded later and after listening to the whole peice a few times, I don't mind that so much anymore. Perhaps this "Bad" note is what influenced the ending to be a bit more intense than what I had originally intended. Overall track length is 444 seconds.

It will eventually be posted here, here, HERE and HERE.

...

Are you excited? I bet you cant wait to hear it. Oh, well. There's always tonight. Sorry for the delay, if you do care. Thanks for reading if that's the case. Your patience will pay off very soon. I promise it's not that good, but it's alright. T'would be great for some scene in a thriller or some shit.

The A-10 Thunderbolt II "Warthog"

The A-10 was the result of the U.S. Air Forces need of an aircraft to fit the close air support (CAS) role, one capable of a high degree of manuverability at low speeds and low altitudes plus be able to survive the small arms fire it would inevitably take while doing so. One of the requirements for this role was a massive cannon to take out heavily armored ground targets, so it was literally designed around the General Electric GAU-8/A "Avenger", a 30 mm hydraulically-driven seven-barrel Gatling-type rotary cannon, which is to this date, still the heaviest rotary cannon ever mounted on an aircraft.

Images clockwise from top left: 1.) Size comparison of the A-10's main armament with a Volkswagen Beetle. 2.) 30mm round. 3.) The A-10 earned it's reputation as a tank killer in the Gulf War, where it destroied more than 900 Iraqi tanks.

Flying at low altitudes at slow speeds, the A-10's job duties place it in danger from small arms fire and was designed with this in mind. To protect the pilot, the aircraft is equipped with a titanium armored cockpit which can protect the pilot from a direct hit from projectiles up to 37mm in diameter. Even the canopy is made of bulletproof glass with a windscreen able to withstand a 23mm projectile hit. With triple redundant flight control systems the A-10 is sure to make it back home even after a serious hit.

Major Kim Reed-Campbell was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for piloting her heavily damaged A-10 back to base in southern Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom.

"We did our job with the guys there on the ground, and as we were on our way out is when I felt the jet get hit. It was pretty obvious — it was loud... I lost all hydraulics instantaneously, and the jet rolled left and pointed toward the ground, which was an uncomfortable feeling over Baghdad...there was no way I wanted to eject over Baghdad...". She tried several proceedures to regain control of her aircraft and finally, upon switching the plane to manual reversion mode, she was able to pull her aircraft's nose up. "The jet was performing exceptionally well. I had no doubt in my mind I was going to land that airplane."
April 7th 2003 - Major Kim Reed-Campbell


A closer look at the damage her aircraft sustained.

Having been designed specifically for the role of CAS, the A-10 is a perfect example of function over form, earning the unofficial nickname of "Warthog" due to it's less than sleek appearance. With it's proven tank killing abilities, the A-10 Thunderbolt II has been relied on time after time to get the job done efficiently ever since it's introduction in 1976. This amazing aircraft is scheduled to be replaced by the Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II. Already, 5 A-10 squadrons are on the chopping block in 2012...and my heart breaks.

GOD what an awful day. I want to drain you of your energy so read this and I will feel better now. Thank you!

No tas moker

Well, i can now say with confidence that I am truly not a smoker anymore. I had the worst day. I work in customer care for a cell phone company and the people were FOUL. Hearing my cubicle neighbors with their fake laughs and their "how may I helpio?" crap. I have to say that after a shift like that I almost want to break into a pawn shop, steal some gunzandammo and... well. Let's just say that the world is lucky I live 5 min from work and there are no pawn shops close by. Leaving work, all the smokers were venting about their bad day and I listened for a moment. Not only did the smoke make me sick, but I didn't have one urge to bum one, I didn't even think about it. I just laughed and walked off. I didn't realize it till I got to my car and I thought I would share! It is possible to quit smoking completely. You just have to want it. Or rather not want it.

Just too busy lately...

Well, I am off tonight and I will be able to record something. I am going to do some major cleaning and discarding crap I don't need after I sample it, of course. I have a lot of noise makers and other junk to get rid of. This will be a lot of fun. When I get to it. After I record tomorrow morning.

Still here!

Just to let you know I am still at it. I have not lost enough to take a good pic yet, but I am still at it! Very soon you will see some posted pictures.

Hacking?

I had a dream. I dreamed (dreamt) that I smoked a cig. It was enjoyable too. I could smell it in my dream. It smelled good. I had this dream because as I was leaving work last night, I walked past the smoke shack and there were like 5 people there smoking. The smell made my body ache instantly and I felt like I was going to throw up. The question (and it is rhetorical) is why would I dream about it being pleasurable.

Out of time

Well, I didn't get to record, but I still have everything set up, so I shall do so tomorrow evening.

Sicko

Done some experimenting yesterday and planning on some recording tonight. Called in, did'nt go to work because of my anxiety level. This has got to stop, but not sure how to stop it. Something's got to give! So far seems like it has been my sanity.

Playing strat>ts9x>PM7>Pulsar>Echo Park>XDD>Amp.

I got this strange rythmic texture when playing prepared guitar thru these effects. It sounds like I feel. I intend to record this tonight and mix in some filtered drums from an old keyboard. I expect it to sound cinematic like a lot of my other stuff. Not really a "Song". No lyrics for it.

Smoke Eat

Well. Tobacco is a weird plant. You can't really do other things with it. You can't put it in a pie or a stew. That would just plain taste awful. Disgusting, actually. All you can do is smoke it, chew it, or dip it or snuff it. There is another plant that can be used for other things + it can be smoked too. This is so interesting to me. Weed is what I am talking about. This plant is so useful.

Here it iz

PDF Project file

TIM ESCOBEDO'S SITE

Listen to the T.M.K.!

FUZZYNUTZ like a kitty.

I have been working on the freaking TMK project for so long now. I have dreams about it working, not working, making funny noises, making loud noises, coming alive and cutting my fingers off. I am ready to say screw the small PCB and all the bullshit and just pin them to a 2x4 old school fashion. Might as well, cause with 6 knobs, it will need to be tweaked a lot because of it's naughtiness. I plan on using it on the top rack anyway, so why does it need to be in pedal form anyway? It doesn't, so I will put it in a wooden box or something. I guess. Here's a video of it...

I've been recording a lot lately...

I really hate recording onto the computer. I hate how it lags and I hate all the words. I just want it to be simple. Plug in an instrument, Play thru and hear it on the same speakers and record and then record another track over it without any drag and hear the other track and what I am playing thru the same speakers on the computer and without all the complicated effects, just the usual reverb and such. EASY to use all the way through. When thru recording, just click a mouse to fix any mistakes or to copy and paste like in acid and even add other wav file/drum loops to it. Click a mouse to save it and convert it to mp3 and finally to burn it to disk. No freaking thousands of amps and guitars and pedals to choose from, just whatever you plug in. Maybe the input device with a preamp could be wireless. That would be great. Most importantly, it needs to be CHEAP or even FREE. Just need ANY input device to work. The wireless one is just tops. I would like to see a processer that is worn on the arm like the predator's computer. Just plug into guitar and Guitar to amp and it has all kind of effects on it. Just an idea I have had for a while. No more tapdancing.

Just thinking

I wonder if the black magic we are under is because we beg for our television and our internet and our cellphones etc. We can't go without it and it is what is hypnotizing us into being weakened slaves. We are completely controlled by our base desires as a society. All the electronics operate on certain frequencies and maybe these frequencies are not harmonious to our natural frequencies and they cause us great pain. Just thinking...

Lay Zee

I don't know why I get so nervous. I get on edge when anything is about to happen. Anything that is about to change. I feel like I need to be on edge to take control and not feel guilty for not doing someting. I dont want to be lazy and I don't want to appear lazy and I don't want to think of myself as lazy.

much fun

I havent played in about a week. I did tonight and it was really fun. I still have it!

It's about freeking time!!!

I weigh 364 now. I cannot believe it. I am over the hump. I am still a fatty and I did not order my new breeches yet so no pictures for you. Yo ujust have to take my word. I promise. I am looking so fine! I'd do me.... (Sorry)

from my work between calls

What is it that really matters here? What is your concern? You are in a body. Are you somebody? Where does your mind begin and reality end. And the world end. The world end. There is a place between that is discomfort it is change and chaos A place in between. A twilight world that is and isn't. I Crack my eggshell skull pouring out tortured matter gray fractured pieces were containing something something wild and hopeless upon a black surface a space this time between your heart and mine. Feeling a twisting and churning between my can and cannot. Id like to break. Id like to break. I need to break. I need to break. It's time to break. But I stretch. Something pulls. I smack this head and feel my pain I need to end this world there is no end. There is no end. My mind has now ended and the world has stopped reality is not. Nothing is real. I cannot complete this MIRROR PUZZLE it's glass shards have severed my arteries but I cannot bleed enough. To stop this reality. I want to rip off my skin and poke out my eyes and cover my ears, but I can't get the taste of blood out of my mouth with gas on fire I burn in hell and flames no end to this no end to this no end to this i cant bring this to an end my brain is nothing and I am still in this reality aware of my nothing and nothing more. I am where the mind ends and reality begins.

EAT SMOKE

I can see that my struggle with weight has really came to a head recently. I have had some strange feelings about smoking lately that I just don't fully understand. I have become a voracious eater. I am always grazing like a fat bovine with the slightly larger cranium and the nervous expression. I counted my points today (Flex) and I went over again. Not by much, but I am weaker than before. I went to the gym today as I have been doing for the last 3 months and I can see that I am not making progress like I want to. I get frustrated when I think about what I have put into my health only to find that my health has actually gotten worse since I quit! High bloodpressure, swollen ankles for unknown reasons, pancrease issues, potential for diabetes and I'm fucking weak now! I guess I just got old while I was quitting... or did quitting make me get old? I know it had it's moments where I thought I was going to die. I guess It's not healthy to question that and just be thankful that I can breathe. Thanks for reading.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I am still here. Just had some crazy stuff going on. My Computer crashed, got it up and running again but didnt blog here for a while and then it became infected with some malware. I just got this mother up and running with no viruses, so I am happy to inform you that I will continue this blog. I am definitely still losing weight, just not enough to show in clothes much. I have started weight training (not serious) to increase my muscle mass and whatever. I'm working on m'pecs. I will, as I said before, post another picture when there is a visable change. I think I have posted a fat pic of me in every outfit I own. I will wait till I have a new outfit to show you! No pics till then!

Jacko

I just realized that I have not mentioned anything about Michael Jackson's passing. He was very important to me as a little boy. I think he was a strange man. I know that he wanted to be strange and that he wanted to be in the tabloids, but I think that this got a little carried away. Being weird is cool. He will be sorely, sorely missed.

Stubby Grub Grubs

I have toes. Mine. My toes are so easily stubbed. Stub. I hate the need to clip the nails on the tips of my stubs. Grubs. That is about how cute my toes are. I dont care to have cute toes, but I would rather they be cute than stubby grub grubs on crusty crustaceous morgue feet. yeah I said crusty. Being overweight is hard on feet and heels, so the skin gets a lot of abuse and thickens. Yay! That's attractive. Jennifer will NEVER read this with any luck. Thank you for reading.

Wow. That was close.

I came close to needing a cig a few days ago because of some personal health problems. Frustration definitely seems to summon the beast more than anything else. Being at work is not a problem, but when I leave, I go out the back door and I pass the "Smoke Shack". The wafting of smoke actually makes me a little sick, but I somehow miss it during my breaks. It was something to look forward to... a little indulgence with a little smoker's talk. Shootin' the shit. Non-smokers have to deal with the awkward and unspoken "OK, I am done talking with you because you are boring and I have better things to do." Smokers know that their shit shootin' time is @ 5 min per cigarette. A conversation in poor taste can be ended because you need an ash tray. You can use your cigarette while you are talking and smoking can be used to express certain things that non-smokers cannot express, like leaning back and taking a big drag after a clever annecdote. My favorite was that if you are alone and smoking, people think you are busy and don't usually come up to you for a chat when you don't want one. It makes the day go much better when you can smoke during your breaks. That is one thing I miss the most is the social aspect of smoking. There is nothing else that we do that is similar to this. At least nothing that I can think of... I do work out now and that is actually healthy. My workout buddy, Omar, and I shoot the shit while lifting weights, so I guess this is similar, only we cant do it just anywhere, it has to be in a gym setting. See, I told you! Nothing else! Just because you CAN do something, though, dosent mean you SHOULD do it. No more smoking for me, please!
[sorry no spellcheck today]

Wow. That was close.

I came close to needing a cig a few days ago because of some personal health problems. Frustration definitely seems to summon the beast more than anything else. Being at work is not a problem, but when I leave, I go out the back door and I pass the "Smoke Shack". The wafting of smoke actually makes me a little sick, but I somehow miss it during my breaks. It was something to look forward to... a little indulgence with a little smoker's talk. Shootin' the shit. Non-smokers have to deal with the awkward and unspoken "OK, I am done talking with you because you are boring and I have better things to do." Smokers know that their shit shootin' time is @ 5 min per cigarette. A conversation in poor taste can be ended because you need an ash tray. You can use your cigarette while you are talking and smoking can be used to express certain things that non-smokers cannot express, like leaning back and taking a big drag after a clever annecdote. My favorite was that if you are alone and smoking, people think you are busy and don't usually come up to you for a chat when you don't want one. It makes the day go much better when you can smoke during your breaks. That is one thing I miss the most is the social aspect of smoking. There is nothing else that we do that is similar to this. At least nothing that I can think of... I do work out now and that is actually healthy. My workout buddy, Omar, and I shoot the shit while lifting weights, so I guess this is similar, only we cant do it just anywhere, it has to be in a gym setting. See, I told you! Nothing else! Just because you CAN do something, though, dosent mean you SHOULD do it. No more smoking for me, please!
[sorry no spellcheck today]

Still here

Just wanted to let you all know that I am still here. I have lost about 15 pounds since my last post. I have not posted a picture because I am tired of looking at the fat pictures so I will show a picture when it looks different.

No Hot pics

No Pics. I do fit into my old pants tho, but I can't upload anything because my computer crashed and I can't seem to get the pictures online yet. No worries, though. I will be posting more of my sexy pics for you soon. I have lost a little more weight and have started working out with a friend from work. We work out on mondays, fridays and saturdays at around 5:30. Wait...I am at home. What time is it? Oh well, fuck it. I'm eating taco bell. (Just kidding) (I hurt my hand yesterday)). 24 points for me please. Thank you for reading this pointless crap.

E.S.T.

I am just now getting things back in order after having our computer crash. I was able to save most of my files and am in the process of restoring the system back to it's original self. This will take some time. I Have had some good times in life recently. Inspiration is back. Just As I said that, I heard thunder crash outside. Maybe a sign.

Wow, It's a-pouring now!

I love life. Anyway, Going through my stuff, I have been listening to some old stuff including Alien Sex Fiend. I only heard a few songs in the 90s, one on some Goth Industrial various artist album. I liked it okay, but was more fascinated by switchblade symphony at the time. Nik Fiend's vocals are haunting and the overall sound is sort hypnotic. Anyway, it got my brain working. Stewing in my pot, I have been trying to explore exactly what I am shooting for with my own music, but I feel that it would be more like if some impressionable teens tried to imitate Alien Sex Fiend imitating REM and doing covers of Mazzy Star and NIN songs. That sounds awful doesnt it? I guess it is. I guess it is...

It's in the bag! What?

Just wanted to say here that I think that I have succesfully quit smoking for sure now. All the other times in the past were merely a lie. In the back of my mind I was still kinda wanting a cigarette. Not anymore. Even when I am stressed out. I just have no desire for one. It is like I never smoked before. I think... Is it that easy...Wait, I just read some of my old posts and realized that I have come a long way now. I still have that craving to "graze" on food, but have sort of been able to transfer that into a healthier hobby. I do weed. Just kidding. Or am I?

mixed knutz

The PS-5, AW-3 and LF7 are next on my list for effects. No rush on that.

Jennifer sang for me in this video. One of my favorite songs we made together. She hates it tho. You know how artists can be. So hypercritical...

Gear update and bonus material for you.

I have been practicing a lot more and messing around with some blues type lessons on demand. Beginner stuff. I got a copy of the guitar grimoire and have begun studying it some. I have a few new scales in the bag. My skills are really increasing after I tried the blues. It really sort of gushes out of me now. It is like a language I was destined to speak or something. Well, I still like to slap that guitar around like I don't know what I am doing. It just feels good, when you do that. Finally got a TS9dx tube screamer. The sound is amazing! I have always wanted one and now I got it. Traded in my DOD 250 and my Bass Overdrive for it tho. Not a big loss. Guitar Center geve me $60 trade in. I paid 20 for the DOD and the Bass Overdrive was like 12 years old and worn out. Worked great being a BOSS pedal, but gotta go with the real deal on this one. Sounds like warm salty butter through my cheap ole amp. Love it. Hate Guitar center tho. They freekin' made me wait for an hour. Took a thumb print, had me sign shit and who knows what else, I think they got a urine sample too. Nope. Not stolen. New guy ringing me up. Hot and bothered wife in the car. Sending texts to me "hunny are you ok?" and such. THey would not even appogize for the inconvenience. All these guys are arrogant emo punks wearing tight jeans, black shirts, chains, lip rings and buddy holly glasses. I guess they are emo. They are punks fo sho! Oh, well. Must be nice to be them. I know it's nice to be me when I am playing. Even if I am just playing 3 notes over and over. the feeling is intense sometimes. I plan on making a shit-load of acid loops using my guitar and reason as well as my little yamaha keyboard synthesizer with all the effects I use. This would be useful for other people looking for some inspiration in this uninspiring society. Actually it does inspire me to write some angry stuff. I mean not even "songs" but sound sculptures and drones that would drive you mad listening to them. I have all the parts for the TMK but have not assembled it for fear that it will not work. Oh, well. TIme for some ab work. Talk later.

******BONUS MATERIAL******
I did get rid of the keyboard. It was too techno-y. Not my cup of tea. That is ok. I used the money for the tube screamer and some stuff for our 10 year wedding anniversary. SHHHH!!!!!

P.S.

Yeah and I am not coughing anymore after I laugh! Unless I am eating almonds. Those little buggers always get me coughing... [I hope you got the humor in that one!]

Update [as if you or anyone cared this early]

Well I have some friends that smoke those...what do you call them? Cigarettes! Yeah! And I chat with them outside while they do their dirty little thing and I have no desire at all to join them. Now how about that?!

dot:dot:dot

It has been a long time. a few pounds lost. no biggie. I got some new pants today. Still tremendous in size, but they are not snug. On my way. Jennifer is more determined than I am until recently. She has lost a LOT of weight now and I am trying to catch up. Hard to do with her working for my sister part time making truffles and other chocolate goodies. I plateaued for a while, but then I did some ab work that KILLED me. Time to do it again! This may kick start that ole' metabolism. Here's hoping! The pain is pretty intense.

Wal-Mart

Ok, quick little story. Wal-Mart sucks. I hate it. I used to work for Wal-mart. The only good thing about Wal-Mart is that I met my wife in Wal-Mart. Well anyway, We shop on sunday morning because Jennifer gets off work that morning and we go as part of our weekly routine because Wal-Mart is not as crowded at that time usually. Well this past Sunday, we were surprised to find Wal-Mart hoppin'. We were ok for a long time till we reached the food section. It was not exactly chaos yet but you could tell that it was building up to be. Stockers still working and those early morning 2 or 3 item shoppers that are in a hurry. Jennifer and I had this big loaded buggyfull of junk food, toiletrys etc and we took it and headed to the front. We even picked up this rainbow umbrella on the way. It was a "Tote" and it was an automatic for $12.00. Good purchase because it had stormed heavily the night before. Well guess what: 1 "U-Scan" and 1 checkout open. There was 3 people in line already, one with a big buggy full and two with like 3 carried items. Well after we get inline, more and more people line up behind us with only a few items. We are "nice" people and Jennifer regularly lets people in front of us in line when they have only a few items. Well, we did'nt this time because we when does it stop. People that carry a few items to the front are not better and besides there is a "U-Scan". Well, the people behind us are visably irritated at the situation for good reason...Wal mart should never staff their stores like this. In our minds, this situation is getting out of control and we are becoming more and more anxious. The temperature is increasing and the area is getting louder and louder as more and more people come into the mix. The intercom is loud and the mind control signals becomes defening. People are huffing and walking off in frustration as the cashier does her job as quickly and precisely as I would expect her to. Get this...A "CSM" (customer service manager) walks from the service desk (which is devoid of customers) and politely asks one of the customers behind us to check out with her in customer service. Apparently she was exchanging something. She then asked everyone in line that was carrying a few items if they were buying tobacco. I laughed out loud, I couldnt help myself. Jennifer and I both were nicking so bad at that moment anyway. Well we didn't give in when we could have easily (Well, I would not easily fork over $6 for a pack of reds). Well, we did'nt and as we were leaving the CSM that was in the Customer service area was standing with ANOTHER CSM at the front of the store chit-chatting. OK we have like one cashier manning the U-Scan and one running a register and 2 standing not doing anything. Well, to make matters worse, the Umbrella we picked up, we later found out was no good and we had to return it. We came back later that night and as I was walking from the car, 3 girls with a HUGE screen TV in a buggy walked in the front entrance. After a few seconds, it hit me that I was gonna hafta wait in line behind them returning that TV which was gonna probably take for freaking ever just so i could exchange my Umbrella for a good one. The door greeter was not amused when I stated "I should have gotten here a few minutes earlier" and simply stated for me to proceed to the Customer Service Desk for an exchange and that this entrance was going to close in 10 minutes (Walmart's grocery side is open 24-7). Great! Well I toddled over to the Customer Service Desk like a good little citizen and...well, watch for you self.

Well, I had to just blurt out the question "Can I just run through a register to do an even exchange?" because no one even looked at me. The girl that answered said no and confiscated my umbrella telling me to go fetch the one I wanted and bring it to her. Sweet gal. Well I went to the spot up front next to the checkouts and...It was like the twilight zone. There was nothing there. Like they never were. I took my receipt back to the desk, took my umbrella back and made a little joke (even though I was irritated) to the CSMs (didn't even crack a smile or acknowledge that they heard me) and f---in' left Wal-mart with my Rainbow umbrella that someone might see me carrying and think that I am gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). That is what I get for being a closet homophobe that shops at wal-mart. C'ya next week!

Moral of the story: Don't worry if someone thinks you are gay (you are), don't smoke, Don't expect people to like you, and don't shop at wal-mart.

Thanks for reading.

no difference?!!!!!!!!!!!

This is like the coolest thing I have ever seen

What?

Alien Nazis?

What.

Maybe it is. Nazis with tentacles or something. I don't know. Who cares.

Good boy. Bad week.

I am not in the mood, really to talk about my fat. No pictures. I am sick of life today. Just to let you know. I hate our world, our society. Money. Business. Insurance. Work. Cars. Airplanes. Government. Houses. Utilities. Drinks. Meat. Piss. Clothes. Conspiracies. Wind.
I must stop myself. I am really sick of it all though. Got a good job. Got fat. Not doing good enough at my job. Got a new boss. Bad boss. Scott gets a little nervous. Downward spiral. Depression. Anxiety. Clammed up. Paranoia. Overwhelming sense of impending doom. Feeling of being trapped. Being lost and confused. Cant focus. Cant concentrate on anything. Feeling of losing time. Being NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Keep on truckin. No bother. Just keep it inside. Don't tell anyone. Ankles swell up. Heart palpitations. Dizzy. Nausea. Boom. I freak out. I lose it. Great. Now I am fat and CRAZY too. Well. Good job. Now I can take 5 days off a month no worries. Now I can take 2 extra breaks a day. I go to see a therapist. Great stuff. Making progress. Doing great at work. Got a bonus. Got back a lot from IRS. Boom. Now work is harder than ever. People are meaner. Problems harder. Can't do as good a job. Boom. Stressing. I work through it. Outside work is great. Oh, I see a keyboard I would like to get. Well, now. Wouldn't you like to get that. Not in your wildest dreams. Not so fast. You have a wonderful wife that makes it possible by shifting money around. WOW! AND she gets something she wants too! Boom Boom BOOM! I grit my teeth. Cracked. Bottom. FUCK. It hurts. Now I am really fucked. Right? UPS man where are you? Got it. Awesome keyboard. Synthesizer. Techno. Industrial. Whatever. I can fight the pain of my tooth. It hurt me before. I just don't want to make a big deal out of it. Whump...Whump...Whump. It really hurts now. I got 5 days off in a row. I go to dentist. Dentist says I need a root canal. See when I broke my tooth about a year ago, I didn't get it looked at. I just dealt with the pain, till it went away. I brushed the best I could in that area. Well, now I have 4 cavities and one of them is infected. No wonder I have been feeling so weird lately. I have an infection in my head. Well. I think I will make it. No problem. BOOOM! Just the crown is @$1000. My insurance covers 1/2. The Canal itself is going to be $229 with insurance. The Keyboard is being sent back and we will be in debt. BOOOOOM. Supervisor Sends me a message: Your days off were not approved. I am completely in shock and amazement at how hard people work for some GOD DAMN corporate entity to make sure that it does not lose out on any little morsel of profit. I can only hope that I am not going to lose my job. This is really the last straw for me. I have no more love for this world. I am on antibiotics now. I have pain medicine. I hate medicine. I hate pain. I hate pain medicine. What I need is about 4 free years to get things straight. It seems that we come into this world and we are already in debt. I cannot seem to get my head above water. there is always someone with their fucking foot on my head. No one can get anything without paying dearly for it. I can't get out of anything. Nothing. I have to suffer. No exceptions. I have to be in pain or pay a lot of money. I have to be depressed and anxious and suffer from paranoia and attention deficit disorder unless I can pay for visits to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I can't have any excuse for being out of work unless it is related to this, and then only if it is approved and monitored and noted and discussed. I can't pay for insurance and expect anyone to pay for my problems. I have to have insurance and I have to suffer. I have no choices. No freedom. I cannot pursue my own happiness because I am busy trying to pursue my necessities. I cannot start a business. I cannot help my sister with hers, nor can i help my wife start her own. I have to sit here in my SHIT and SUCK IT UP like a fucking rover, I roll over and over and take it. Play dead. That is all I am doing now. Playing dead. Like a good boy. Life is also good. I know this. I just need to see something more than just barely breaking even. I don't want to get "Ahead" I just want my head out of the water enough to be comfortable for a while. I have struggled enough. I think. I bet you have too. Well you are gonna have to fight me for it. Just kidding. I'll share with you!

I don't smoke...tobacco

Well, we burn incense. Is this no better than smoking? It is smoke. Tar. Ash. We keep matches handy. I LOVE it. Don't know why. Let's say, for example, someone smokes weed. If they smoke weed, are they a smoker then or is it only when applying to cigarettes. I know some people that do not consider it the same. What if you are on fire. What if you are in a fire. What if you light farts? Are you a smoker or is it just your farts that smoke? Just wondering. Thanks for your time.

The Tooth Beaver

Lots of happenings. Busted a tooth a while back. One in the back. No worries, I can take it. Well, it really started hurting when I started grinding my teeth at night due to anxiety. Well, now I need a root canal. The Keyboard has got to go back. Oh, and it was the 49 key version...
Real bummer. I got to play with it a little. I have to rethink everything. Is my tooth worth all of our savings and a synthesizer? Stay tuned...

Hey, hey I am chunky...

There are some people that have a sort of old school mentality regarding being a musician. I dropped out of that school years ago. The lessons were too easy and boring. Not that I wanted instant gratification, I knew that I sucked and I knew that I was always going to be a suckie player because there is always someone "better" and I had no interest in jockeying for that position. I just wanted [and still want] to make sounds. That's all. This old school teaches that guitar is played a certain way and any other way is either gimmicky or somehow lesser in quality. I totally disagree. I feel that anyone that owns an instrument and plays it is a musician, provided they actually play it and call themselves one.

The guitar is a beautiful instrument, evolved over centuries into perfection. There are HUGE differences between a "good" guitar and a cheap one. These reasons are obvious if you do a side by side comparison. Aside from the quality and feel of a good guitar, it's perfect construction and distinctive sound, the price is the major factor here.

Who would buy a poorly crafted mass produced guitar with poor quality parts when you can choose to buy an expertly crafted one? A starving artist. This does not mean that I think that people with money are not artistic (that is up for debate I am sure), only that people with money have access to better more reliable equipment.

I am not whining here. My point is that there is this huge stigma over certain equipment from certain manufacturers [or not using certain manufacturers] because they are not considered "pro" gear or that they are lame or cheap or whatever. My feeling about this [MY feeling {this is MY blog}] is that it is about selling a name and making money. Who has not heard of a "Marshall" or a "Fender" or whatever? Sales. Sure a Marshall is fine quality and all that. I would love a Marshall stack in my living room although Jennifer would not. I cannot afford one. I will never be in a position to afford one because I do not have a degree, nor do I know what I would get one in, and I never play the lottery. I would like to have an amp. I can afford a cheap one so I got a cheap one. Sure it is not the best design and it is a little bit cheap looking, but I am not trying to impress everyone with my ability to buy expensive gear. I want to make sounds. I have an amp to do that. I have a guitar [the G string is a little twangy], a drum machine [a good enough one] and now [upon delivery soon] a synthesizer. These things are not expensive, the synthesizer is the cheapest one they make and the drum machine was on clearance because they make drum machines now that have more features.




The acoustic guitar has a beautiful sound that can make me cry. Not the player even. Just the sound. Electric guitar was my choice not only because fretting chords hurt my fingers and I was impatient at first, but also because there are more [to me] possibilities with electric. I have, over the years, collected many guitar effect pedals. Distortions, Phasers, Flangers, Tremolos, etc. I like using all of these effects for many reasons. Some people of the old school think that you can rely too heavily on these effects and that they destroy your tone. I could not disagree more. You rely on an effect if that is your personal taste and you "destroy your tone" if you want to. I have seen musicians destroy their own expensive gear onstage. Talking about destroying tone! My feelings about this are that if you want to sound like Clapton or Hendrix or whatever, buy the same equipment they bought, play the same songs they played and play dress up like they did. That is your right to do so. New products are always made to try to emulate some vintage sound and even cheap stuff is available to do that so you are in luck! This old school mindset has kept music in the dark ages for too long though.

I am not saying [typing] that vintage sucks by any means and I am not slamming anyone that does this because all the greats were influenced by the people that used this equipment, but I am NOT about to endorse any particular brand. I have my favorites, they are merely a matter of personal taste and not important.

I look at effect pedals as well as the "tone" produced by certain guitar and amp combinations sort of like I would look at paint.



The pick acts as the brush and the amp is the canvas [or something like that].

Instead of looking, the [however small] audience listens to the art.



Basically, old school mentality is like paint by number and whatever I am trying to do [and no doubt countless others {some rich and famous i am sure}] is more like mixed media. I want to see what happens if you do this or that and I don't care if it sounds bad.

Block chords on a piano are hard to listen to and whenever a kid gets near one, that is what you are gonna hear, but they are awesome in certain compositions. Just because it is not hard to do does not mean it is lesser in ANY way.

I look at guitar the same way. I can play some stuff OK. I can create sounds better though, when I am not trying to sound like someone else. One repetitive note on a guitar played over a sampled loop from an old tv show and sci-fi sounds of can have a whole lotta feeling in it when it has the right amount of chorus, overdrive, echo and reverb in it and all the smokin' licks, hammer-on's and pull-offs in the world can sound like...everything else.



My final say: Old school is cool for some cats, but not for me because I can't afford tuition. Besides, I've got ADD.

I have no thing to say today

See, I am not that big of a know-it-all!

I have no thing to say today

See, I am not that big of a know-it-all!

WOW - I feel like Ultraman!

Took a walk this morning. Dark outside. Very brisk walk. Feel amazing. I am still out of breath now. I have thought about things, and I have to retract what I said about pictures. I think it is a great idea, if you are serious about losing weight, just dont look at them. Have someone else take the pictures and keep them till later on. no pictures = no proof. I was feeling extra fat yesterday, but when I looked at one of my old pictures, I really felt better about things. Jeez, I looked like a refrigerator (I was wearing a big white t-shirt).

Say WHAAAAAT?

The expression on my face does not really show my true feelings at the time the photograph. I don't know why it came out that way. Now, upon looking at the photograph, I did in fact have that same expression. A little frustrated and disappointed. A little grossed out and a little mad. I think that it is the shirt with the overhead light that puts this glare on the top of my fat. I post it anyway.

I did not lose from the front, but I did from the sides. A little. Still a-fat-rollin'. It being Tuesday, I did really pig out last night. Celebration of a birthday included chess bars, red wine and claydough's pizza again... "Ultimate Pepperoni"!

GHOST

I had an experience today that really made me think on one level. Made me appreciate everything and in one moment, really scared me deeply. Time truly passed very slowly as this happened, and I can clearly remember it in detail, even though it happened in the blink of an eye. If I had blinked today, I would not be writing this now. I have been nearly killed many times before, but this time, I somehow did not get visibly shaken...I was more upset that I was not upset. I did not freak out. I did not cry, I just cursed, and went on about my day. This was almost blacked out from my consciousness...only I am aware of it. It was just weird. Kinda like this photo...

and this...

I was sitting at the red light at my work, on lunch. Waiting to turn left. Pleasant day. Sky streaked with chemtrails (mental note made...It was hotter than it had been the previous day with no chemtrails). I waited, listening to the silence. Tired of calls. Doing a good job, though. Happy. Hungry. Green. Go. I am so cautious. I always look left and right and forward and behind whenever I make any move in my car. I looked left, only one car in 2 lanes, sitting at a complete stop. Looked right. Nothing at all. No cars ahead, trying to turn right and create that awkwardness as I need to get over to the far right as soon as I turn left so I can get on the exit ramp to get on the freeway. I pull out cautiously.
WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

I watched in slow motion as a car sped thru the light going, I am sure, around 50 mph. This car passed the front of mine at this speed at a distance of about 2 yards that looked like about 6 inches from my perspective and felt like I was actually hit. I watched in slow motion as the obviously old man (He was wearing a member's only jacket and an old man cap perched on the top of his head) staring intently on the road ahead. I watched him pass in slow motion and I thought to myself that I almost died. I would have been killed. I had my seat belt on, and we have side impact airbags, but I do not feel that this would have protected me. I am extremely happy that I was over-cautious and looked twice. I would have really been splattered all over the place. I immediately thought "What is going to happen?", "What will Jennifer do?", "What if I...survive?", "Would I want to?", "What of my family?", "What would happen?", "Would I be over with?", "Is there a heaven?". I felt rage, fragility, futility, sadness, fateful, lucky, random, ok.

It's official

We have made plans so that I can get a xiosynth and Jennifer can get some art supplies and a new pocketbook. Of course, I still feel guilty, but I am working on that. I know that she is getting something she wants too, but she will not end up spending as much money as I will, and there is always other things that the money should be spent on. Oh, well. If I were a carpenter, I would buy a nice set of tools. I have a keyboard, but it is not by any means a good one, more or less just for kids. You can get sounds from it that are great for my purposes, but it takes a lot of tweaking and assigning effects plus you cannot save the changes on it. I did get a synth, but it is a Yamaha FM synth toy as well. Very fun and I will sample some of it's weird sounds too, but it is also hard to work with.

As far as my current equipment goes, I have a korg Electribe ES-1 mk II rhythm sequencer, my guitars (one standard and one DADDAC), my effect pedals and a 4 channel keyboard amp.

The man in black

I learned at an early age that black makes you look thinner. It really was to my benefit that all the cool kids wore black. At least I had that going for me in high school. I can sort of tell that I am losing some weight on some days, but others I feel fatter than ever. It can be really disheartening when I have gone without the comfort of eating for a week and I try to fit into older fat clothes without success. I guess that it is just being SO big, water weight can really mean +/- 5 pounds on me and that big a difference means that I have a really bloaty day where I feel like a marshmallow and a day that I feel more thin. In the above picture, not only am I wearing all black, but I am feeling that this is a thin day. That said, I did eat at Claydough's Pizza...Wow. That was absolutely delicious food. The best toppings and personality. I did not eat my full serving and brought some home.

Exactly how many virgins are waiting for you?

I have always felt a little resistance in my head about the term virgin. It is so archaic and so...Well, forgive me, but it is kinda gross, don't you think? Well, it is. I don't understand what it means exactly so let us go to several sources...

vir·gin (vûrjn)n.1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.

2. Achaste or unmarried woman;a maiden.

3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

4. VirginTheVirgin Mary.

5. Zoology A female insect or other arthropod that produces fertile eggs without copulating. adj.1. Of, relating to,or being avirgin; chaste.2. Being in a pure or natural state;unsullied: virgins now.3. Unused, uncultivated, or unexplored:virgin territory.4. Existing in native or raw form; not processed or refined.

5.Happeningfor the first time; initial.

6.Obtained directly from the first pressing: virgin olive oil.

7.Zoology Producing fertile eggs without copulating.

I think that being a virgin is COMPLETELY impossible in today's society. Ancient cultures for some reason or another are often a little too obsessed (In my opinion) with their daughter's genitalslittle creepy and weird. A little male dominated too. So is the term "Penetrated", a word that is often encountered while reading on "Virginity". Such a male word. Why not something sexier too, like surround or squeeze or something...I don't know. Physically, being a virgin is purely about status and control in every culture that I am aware of. Controlling women and being proud of it. There is no real definition for it and no one can agree on it when it gets down to what it constitutes. If you ask questions like: what if you are raped? While in a coma? when you wake are you a virgin? What if you are molested while in a coma? What if you masturbate? Oral sex anyone? Clothes on? It is absurd.
I say this, because there are too many stipulations on what makes a "female" a virgin, and guys are masturbating at a very early age, since one can supposedly lose virginity by accident and through non-sexual actions, and since people think that they can become a virgin again, and since so many people seem to be obsessed with "doin' it" with a virgin (including male members of certain religions) and also due to the amount of shame that is placed on some people because of all of these situations, I say that the term is archaic and no longer has meaning due to the [only slight] advancement of our civilization.
The new definition that I propose is:

Virgin (Ver-Jin) n 1. Any person born with a physical body.

Once you pop, you can't stop

It just occured to me why I have always found the term non-smoker irritating when used to categorize someone that quit smoking cigarettes. You see, once you have smoked you have performed a new action that is akin to sex. You don't have to do it, you just feel the urge and really really want to, but you don't have to. You can quit having sex, but you are not a virgin. It is the same as with smoking. You smoke that first cigarette and you are forever changed. I would go so far as to argue that if you smoke pipes, cigars or joints, you are a smoker and will not be able to go long without your junk. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it is pretty much the same thing...A leaf that is dried, cut and as it is burned, the smoke is inhaled into the body~not always the lungs, but burning cut leaves and sucking the smoke into your mouth is involved: Smoking. Admit it. You are always a non-virgin just as you are always a non-smoker. Technically, you could say that you are a non-smoker any time that you are not smoking, so it is not honest anyway. Just say that you are a "quitter". Much more honest, much more positive in respect to the fact that you no longer smoke and also more confident sounding. Scott: a quitter. I don't know if I like that or not. Yikes. Kinda too honest perhaps. But I still stand by my original point that once you are a smoker you are never going to be a non-smoker again, just as once you have sex, you are never a virgin again. I have my feelings about the term "virgin", but I will save that for another blog another day.

Um... how many servings did you say?

Good new! I will be Eating 3 times less flex points in the future due to my MAJOR miscalculation for a particular quick and easy meal. What had happened was I saw serving size "1 cup" and thought that it meant the 1 container of rice, beef and vegetables. Well, I looked further down...

SERVINGS PER CONTAINER: 3

Xiosynth!

I'm already on it!

Seriously, I have talked to "the Bee" who said I should look into financing it. It seems like an adequate enough tool for my purposes, especially when I was considering using an old Yamaha FM synth. This will be much more doable. Connected with my electribe, I should be able to create some really interesting rhythms and textures to play guitar over.

SMELL BADDDDD!

This would be cool to Beavis and Butthead.

Almost as bad as cooking chili uncovered in the work microwave is cooking something that stinks to high heaven.  Want to piss off your work friends?  Try one, or all of these.
Cheap Powdery Parmesan Cheese - microwaved by itself, it smells like vomit.
Canned fish - you know what it smells like.
Weenies - out of context it stinks and the smell sticks in your throat.
Ketchup or Catsup - warm and out of context it smells gross, but kinda sweet.
Dry Dog Food - F.Y.I., heated, they smell like dirty sasquatch balls.